Sheltering - Part 2

Some great discussion and hard questions are continuing to go on in the comments section of the Part 1 post. Please...go there and contribute...us young parents need some wisdom and insight (even if you are young too, go and share...we're all in this figuring things out stage together).

{Health update really quickly: We continue to be completely thrilled and amazed at the miracle of the great blood work. Thank You Jesus!!

We went to our doctor today. It was a great visit. His younger daughter was visiting from the states, so some good English conversation was had. Everything checked out fine. He checked me and I am now 50% effaced and guess what...no dilation. :-) Totally normal for me.

One weird thing is that I have gained 1 measly pound since my visit at the end of January. I'm not complaining...it's just really weird. Also, I am also measuring only 31cm (the uterus measurement they do). I am 38+ weeks. I measured 30cm at my January appt., 31cm at my Feb. appt., and then 31 again today. Again...my doctor said nothing about this...apparently not anything to be concerned about. A little subjective too really...I measured myself and got 33cm, but I'm NO expert in the area of measuring uteri (is that a word?). Even 33cm is small. So, I'm just trying to be fine with that...I'm sure it is fine. It is normal at the end to not gain much, gain nothing, or even lose weight. Everything checked out fine with the ultrasound, the doppler, and everything else we've done. It's just so weird to think about this baby and think I will be having a small baby. Sorry to keep harping on that, but I'm just trying to trust that everything is fine...it's easier to think that things are fine when you have a bigger healthy baby in there, esp. when that's your normal. It keeps running through my mind that since I've had big babies before and this one is so much smaller (almost 3 lbs. actually is the est.), is something wrong? I'm sure that's the enemy, but that's just what keeps coming up (and I keep fighting). Just wanted to share. Anyway, we'll keep you posted. Baby seems fine, that's for sure...moving and kicking and even though small, hurting like crazy at times. :-) I'm feeling fine. And, we'll let you know things as they happen. Thanks for all your prayers. Now for today's post.}

I've been very slowly reading through some archives of a great blog I found. I found it when I was doing the cloth diaper research and she had a great discussion and great information...so we became in touch through that. Weird how you can develop friends over the internet...and over cloth diapers at that. :-) I know most of you because I knew you before, but Holly is now my friend because I met her over the internet. Craziness.

Anyway, after I typed out my blog post for yesterday, I was over at her blog reading a bit more while the kids were napping. In November 2006 she actually wrote some stuff herself about sheltering and I asked her if I could share it. She said yes, so here it is. I just loved what she had to say...her concepts and priniciples and reasons behind what they do. It won't look exactly the same for every family for sure...she herself makes mention of that in her comments. But, I love seeing how other families do things and usually gain great insight into possibilities for our family, so I thought I'd share.

Also interesting to note...I asked her yesterday when I emailed her if she'd change anything she said in those posts...that was well over a year ago after all. She said she'd change nothing. She has a thriving, wonderful family and what they believed then still holds true and is working.

The 3rd part of this sheltering topic will again be Holly's words...all about sheltering in the teen years.

To shelter your children, or not. That is the charbroiling question that continues to turn on the grille.

On the one hand, we have those who argue that a child should be shut away from the world, should never see a magazine ad nor walk through a K-Mart, should never attend a youth meeting and should never, ever, under penalty of death listen to music with an off beat.

On the other side, we have those who seem to deride a desire to shelter. “How will you reach the world for Christ if you lock your children in your house? How will your children ever relate to the world, if you don’t let them look like, dress like, watch and listen to the same things their peers are? And why are you still homeschooling them in high school? Shouldn’t they be old enough by now to be “salt and light? And why, in heaven’s name, do you keep having children? How can you ever reach out to the world if you have all of those children?”

There seems to be no middle ground in the argument, except…I think that there should be. Right smack dab in the middle, that’s where my husband and I find ourselves.

See, with argument number one, I understand that rationale. I really do. When I read a horrible story about “teen culture,” I want to slam and deadbolt the door, pull the shades, outlaw all television and movies and music and newspapers and internet. I want to keep my children innocent. I want to protect them.

And with argument number two, I have to think, “Yeah. How WILL we reach out to all of the lost young people?” But I can’t sit quite so firmly on this side of the fence, because I notice that most of the people advocating the acreage here have either very young children and haven’t experienced sending their children out to the wolves – or they don’t even have children.

My husband and I aren’t experts, to be sure. We’ve got a whole lotta child rearin’ to go. Our oldest kids are 14, 12 and 11. But we aren’t fearing the “teen years.” At this point, we are enjoying our “big kids,” and the relationships that we have with them. We have nothing but anticipation for the years to come.

Believe me when I say that we walk this road with humility, knowing that we journey only by holding onto God’s hand. There is no pride here, only observations.

1) We believe that young children need extreme sheltering. Babies, toddlers, and preschoolers (particularly pre-talkers) are safest with parents, siblings, grandparents, relatives who love them and can be trusted without a shadow of a doubt. Not all relatives fall into this category. Even here, parents need to be careful. Scary television, videos, and images should be off limits. What a child sees at this age has the capacity to indelibly mark their psyche. Touch, tone, talk should be about security, creating a firm and loving world.

2) Elementary aged children – up through the ages of ten to twelve or so, are very sheltered in our home, as well. If we as parents don’t protect them, who will? And once childhood is taken away, it can never be returned. My eleven year old still plays with dolls. She mothers them, she brushes and fixes their hair. I love that she still does this. I assume that soon she will grow out of the desire to, and that will be fine, but I don’t believe she’ll ever outgrow her love of “mothering.”

Television, movies, music, books, friends, free time - all are carefully monitored.

During these years, we gradually begin to allow the children’s eyes to be opened to the pain and even ugliness of the world around them. This is for the purpose of helping them develop compassionate hearts. We do not allow them to revel in what they see. They do not linger, but they see the devastation that sin causes. We talk and talk and talk, day in and day out, as the topics arise. We study current events through “God’s World News,” and learn about the world, good and bad. They see children who are hungry, who don’t have parents, and they want to help.

For example, we allow our children to play with neighborhood children, under supervision. Many of the children in our immediate area (prior to our moving and renting this summer) come from broken homes. Many simply “run the streets” and their parents don’t have any idea of where they are at. When you have lots of children, it seems they “attract” more. J I can’t say this is always convenient, and yes, we told the neighborhood children “no, we can’t play” at various times; but during our children’s free time they were allowed to play. We kept careful rules and watchful eyes, and must say that our children have probably been more negatively affected by the children they play with at church than those in the backyard. They shared the Gospel story many times over the years. We did our best to love the moms and dads, financially and practically, too. We loved ‘em ’til it hurt, sometimes.

So, we protect our young children’s hearts and minds, while carefully allowing them to reach out to others. We would NEVER send them out alone to be “missionaries.” We choose, instead, to minister as a family, both within and without our church. This way, they are learning to reach out, but they are not totally responsible for it themselves. We feel that children are…well…children and thus impressionable, and should not be exposed to harmful behaviors. Many children are real “pleasers,” and may not be strong enough to stand against a more forceful child or older individual. We are too painfully aware of the teasing, bullying, and abuse that takes place when children are unsupervised. When they ARE supervised, many good things can happen.

These years are the “building” years. We lay the groundwork, helping them lay the foundation for their own relationship with Jesus Christ. We expect obedience, get to know the child intensively, build relationship with him/her, and help them become responsible. No freedom comes, unless responsibility has first been attained.

These are the “investment years,” filled with pouring our lives into our children. As parents fully committed to growing healthy, faithful individuals, we’ve never regretted a moment of our time. As a mom who has been home with her children all of these years, I can sincerely say it has been worth every minute and every difficulty.