Baby Michawn and Marilyn Monroe

First, the Marilyn Monroe part. Man, last night was crazy. I've always had pretty vivid, detailed dreams, but last night's was the prize winner.

Also, just so you know, I totally and completely steer clear of horror movies, scary shows, even really good suspense things that could possibly get my imagination going and keep images in my head that I do better without. I used to really enjoy shows like "Unsolved Mysteries" and things like that...just can't watch them now. I was pretty de-sensitized. I would watch those things and love them. But, after college, I decided to disconnect my cable in my apt. which left me with no channels period. Since then it's been that way...for the most part, we've never really had access to even basic TV channels...except for a couple of postpartum times for a few weeks...I usually get a little blue-sy after baby and it's nice to have some entertainment distraction. Anyway...this dream was not caused by external issues like that...TV, news reports, etc. I also realize that pregnancy dreams tend to be a little out there. True, but at the same time, I have pretty vivid dreams when not pregnant too (always have, even as a little girl).

I won't tell you the whole dream because there are WAY too many details. But, basically I was taken back to when and where Marilyn Monroe was murdered. Let me say now, Marilyn Monroe was actually not murdered this way at all. In fact, she is mostly believed to have either committed suicide intentionally or OD'ed accidentally (I had to google this morning). But, in my dream, she was brutally murdered and I was there to witness it. Actually, I wasn't exactly where she was...I was in the next room. But, I knew exactly what was going on. I walked out of the room and never even saw the scene of the crime, but somehow in my dream there was tons of blood. Later on, I walked by a scene which was the murderer who had then committed suicide...again, blood. There were other scenes...terrifying scenes. The whole dream went from one horrible scene to the other, all orbitting around this Marilyn Monroe story (why Marilyn Monroe, I have no idea). It was so detailed that I was even taken back to Marilyn's history of being one of 3 daughters. Her dad had gotten a butcher knife one day and was about to commit suicide himself, but she walked in to where he was. At that point he didn't do it and started seeing her as his little angel...she was his "favorite" if you will from that point on.

None of that is true in real life. Apparently her mother was unwed and Marilyn never even knew who her father was. In real life (according to Google), her mother ended up in a mental institution and Marilyn lived in foster homes and orphanages for much of her growing up years. In my dream though, this father was very special. He taught at Harvard and she was climbing an empty, narrow staircase up to his classroom when she was murdered, just outside his classroom. In the dream, I was in the classroom (but only to look on...kind of like George when he was being shone what it would've been like without him in "It's a Wonderful Life") and there were noises. The dad/teacher at one point stopped his lecture, some of the students in the classroom wondered aloud what was going on...but, then the noises stopped and class proceeded.

Like I said...very detailed...and there are so many other details. That's all I'll tell though (hope it doesn't give you nightmares). I woke up and of course was a little disturbed. I immediately was like, "God, why did you let me dream that? Is there something You want to show me from that?" I still don't know if He does or not. I mean, not every dream is from Him in my opinion. I immediately thought about the blood though. Was it a God thing that I thought about that or just my own concerns as of late? I still don't know yet. But be praying with us. Here's why...

As you all know, my platelet count is low. In real life what that means is that I could bleed to death during childbirth. That is obviously the worst case scenario and I so don't want to be the alarmist type here. I'm not really big into that kind of stuff. As my midwife from TX said, "I have had a few people with this and they were just fine so don't let the enemy scare you with my words. I just want you to be aware of what to do." But, yes...in reality that is a risk, as I've said before. So, our prayer request these days is just that God will continue to lead. He brought this incredible doctor our way who is the closest to what we're used to in a midwife. He has allowed ALL the many details to line up for a homebirth which, again, is miraculous in and of itself around here. Our friend just happened to be flying a plane back from the states so that we could bring a birth pool back for the delivery. So many things point to it truly being a God-ordained thing for me to be able to have a homebirth.

I truly am not fearful...at all. But, I do not at all want to trust in my own strength or these circumstances that all lined up miraculously or my past experiences with homebirth or anything. If it would be better for me to do something else this time, we need to hear clearly. That's all. So just be praying for us. I'm sure we will know more this week, esp. after we get the bloodwork back tomorrow. Even then, no matter what the bloodwork shows, we need to hear God and not trust in bloodwork. So, just continue to pray for us...thank you so much.

Now, the other, more fun/laidback part of the post. :-) Back in November my mom sent me some baby pictures of me. I actually posted a couple of them already and said that I might post the rest at some point. I never have done that, so thought I'd do it now. At some point I will try to get some baby pictures of Joel together and share them too.

These are obviously not in any kind of order...

Sleepy head, 13 months.
New pool.
"Where did all that water come from?"
Me and my babies. I don't remember doing it much, but here's proof that I did play with dolls.
Sharing my high chair with Susie, Mama's doll from when she was a little girl (we still have her).
10 months old.
With friends from Briarwood Baptist (they are still friends)...Josh Hawkins, my cousin Brian, and Cory Dobson hugging me from behind. This was during Vacation Bible School, summer 1976 (I had just turned 2).
Very upset about having to leave the mud puddle.
Briarwood Baptist Church Homecoming - June 8, 1975 (almost 13 months old).
4 months old.
First Easter (10 months old or so).
10 months old.
Mama's funny note about this picture: "1st birthday - Laurette Tingle made this dress for you (We were working together). Aunt Marilyn and I went to Jonesboro that morning and they just happened to be taking pictures. I locked the keys in the car and we thought we wouldn't make it back in time for the party."
First birthday (May 17, 1975).
Sitting in the flowers in Granny's front yard, 14 months old.
First birthday...with Daddy.