Monday, March 10, 2008

Sheltering - Part 1

{Miracle update: You people are some praying folks, that's for sure. Thank you so much! Let me give you the lowdown on blood levels...it includes my platelet levels and also my iron levels which were only tested this last time to make sure they were normal: Normal range for Platelets -> 150-400

Dec. 18th - Platelets were 137
Feb. 27th - Platelets were 127
Mar. 7th - Platelets were 161 (HELLO!!)
Iron levels (2 different tests) - both in the middle of the normal range

Truly, I think this is no short of a small miracle. Yes, I had been taking those extras (folic acid, Vit. C, and iron), but only for 3 days before my levels were tested again. I had started drinking that greens shake, but had only done that for one day before my levels were tested again. Maybe it only takes that short of a time to really turn things around with those extras...I don't know. I will be continuing all of that for sure, but I am now within completely normal limits. What an answered prayer!

I also started feeling SO MUCH better over the weekend, but as I told someone today, I wasn't sure if it was because I was making myself take it easy or if I truly was better...it was hard to evaluate. Of course, I wasn't making myself take it easy last week...there was no other option for me...my body just wouldn't go, so I should've known the difference. But, I even went to church last night and oh...also at church our pastor spoke on miracles and he really felt at the end that it was a real time for miracles last night...to come up if we needed a miracle for something specific. I went up for my blood.

Anyway, we are very excited. I'll be going to my Dr. again tomorrow and will give you an update tomorrow evening afterwards. Thanks so much, again, for your prayers. Also, the rest of this post is a bit heavy maybe...but, it's just what's been on my mind really heavy in the past 24 hours. Hope it doesn't offend any of you, but I think it's important and also even important to say the specific things that I said to make it clear what we are dealing with here. Again, not my intent to offend of course.}


Joel and I were struck really hard last night with SUCH an urgency to pray for our kids. This is a little obvious, is it not? But, you know...certain times in your lives when you hear about certain things in others' lives...you just really are reminded of what an awesome responsibility you have as a parent. And, that no matter how much you do yourself as far as watching your children, monitoring their every move, etc....it is God, in the end, who has the power to really protect them.

The term “sheltering” gets such a bad rap I think. It’s associated with the “backward” children who are never allowed to leave their homes. They can’t relate to the outside world, they dress weird, etc. There are definite extremes in this area. There are those people who go to that extreme. But, sheltering can also be looked at as just protecting. Your house is a shelter. It shelters you from the elements of the outside world...rain, extreme heat, cold, etc. Your car is a shelter for you too...allowing you to travel in comfort without having to battle, again, the elements...rain, heat, cold, etc. As parents, we need to also be a shelter for our children. They need to be protected under the umbrella of our shelter.

There are so many things that your children can be exposed to that can alter them and change their lives forever. Of course, the first thing that I always think of is abuse of some sort, but more specifically sexual abuse. It can be scary and you can't live in fear, but you also have to live very carefully. I heard the example given once of your little child being lost in a store. The child is playing among the clothes racks and all of a sudden you realize you are no longer hearing the child. Suddenly a nice, kind, stranger man approaches you and asks if this is your child. Although only out of sight and lost for a few minutes, the reality still remains...what did this seemingly nice man do with your child for the past few minutes? It only takes a few minutes to change a child's life forever, to change that child's countenance and outlook and whole being. A very sobering thought. It is so good for me to be reminded of this...not so I can live in fear, again. But, I actually tend to be a little lax sometimes and too trusting. I have to be aware and on guard for my children who can't be on guard for themselves yet.

It almost never happens to the children where the mother says, "I could see it coming" now does it? It's the same old story. "I can't believe it" or "I never suspected it in a million years" or "I'm just so shocked that this would happen to us, in the town where we live, that this person would do such a thing," etc. etc. etc. I have talked to mothers who did have a suspicion, but we all second guess ourselves don't we? Why? Because sometimes we are wrong. Because some of those suspicions come from our selves and not from God leading the way and warning us. Gosh, it is so very important to stay in tune with his Spirit and know just what He is trying to tell us every step of the way. And, to be quite honest, I'd rather err on the side of keeping my children out of harm and going with the possible "only paranoid" suspicion than having it turn out it was a God thing that I was suspicious after all, but I didn't protect them...and the worst happened. Believe me, the parents I've talked to where this was the case...they wish they'd opted to be seen as "paranoid."

Another thing that I know from personal experience and experience of many of my friends throughout the years is that children are exposed to SO MANY THINGS that they shouldn't be exposed to at others' houses. I won't even list the horrible details here of what I'm talking about, but I will gladly share if you want to know...just tell me. But, one thing is of course pornography. How many marriages, of personal friends even, have been affected by this one issue? There are almost always several things at play in the breaking down of a marriage, but this is definitely a huge issue these days. Not that it hasn't been before, but the internet really catapulted this issue into a bigger issue than it even was before. Something that is just the same as adultery is seen sometimes as acceptable even. Some we know have had this struggle since a small child (in the single digits of age). I was shocked and surprised when I heard about one person in particular. How did it start that young?!? But, then I started thinking about it. I was about that same age when I was first exposed to pornography!! Now, thankfully I wasn't prone to struggling with it...satan was not able to hook me with that. There are ladies who do struggle with that (it is not a man-only thing, although men are definitely more susceptible...just the way God wired them), but I am not one of them (thank God). But still...that's pretty young to be exposed.

Another thing that children can learn from others at an early age..."self pleasure." I know...not a nice little Sunday School type topic, but it's true (sorry, I don't always stick to the Sunday School topics). That can become a real struggle for some. I won't get into that subject...but let's just say I don't want my children learning about that at someone else's house from their friend's older brother. All of these reasons, by the way, are just some of the reasons why we don't and probably will never allow sleepovers (it’s not like my parents knew this was going on and just threw us to the wolves...you never know...that’s the point). I know that choosing the rule of no sleepovers is a very, very unpopular path, but sometimes the unpopular path is the best one. And all of the things that I talked about and learned about concerning the experiences (bad experiences) of others...honestly they all happened at others' houses, usually during sleepovers. I had tons of fun during many sleepovers through the years. I'm grateful for those times and memories. But, it's worth it to me to make memories and have other fun times doing other things instead of sleepovers in order to shelter my children from the bad experiences and exposures I had (and have heard about from others). Sometimes it is impossible to avoid...our children will be spending the night somewhere else probably once I go into labor. Thankfully we have some very trusted friends who were very carefully chosen to help us out. Believe me, this is/will not be the norm.

Also, a quick clarification. We didn’t live in the slums of some inner city. We lived in a very small, Christian community. This kind of stuff happens...anywhere...everywhere.

Man, what a role we play in protecting our children. And, more than just protecting them in the physical as far as what we allow them to do and the places we allow them to go and the people we allow them to be with (and all of those things are important), we MUST shelter them and protect them and hedge them in with prayer. We must do our part in the physical, but God can see and protect even when we aren't able to control the circumstances our children are in.

Help us, Lord!!

15 comments:

Amanda said...

Hey, you've been on my mind and heart tonight. I'm so glad your tests showed God to have done a miracle. You are right that it could be explained away with circumstances and things you've done, but even all that is under God's control and I know He showed Himself in this. He's so cool like that!

And, just so you know, I agree with EVERYTHING you said about our God-given responsibility to pray for and protect our children. I've never thought of the sleep-over aspect before, though. That'll be something we'll have to make a decision on before our children ask us to do it!!

I'm so glad your body is acting normal and we're still praying for a safe delivery!

Anonymous said...

So thankful for your miracle! God is good! Neat to hear about your blood being healed! :)

What a great post on such a yucky subject. A wonderful reminder of making wise 'sheltering decisions' as a parent and bathing our children in prayer!

One of my sis's spent the night at a friend from school's home where the dad had a horrible temper...she had much fear after that experience. Sleepovers can be dangerous and I think you are wise to think about this. P and I haven't made a family policy on sleepovers but we will discuss and pray. Thanks for challenging us to think and pray about this!

I'm praying for your delivery and birthing process! :)

~ Ali

Anonymous said...

You are so right on, Michawn. I WAS one of those abused children...

AND...yes to the concept that children are exposed to pornography in other's homes...even more so with the advent of the i-net.

We MUST pray over our children, and keep watchful eyes - and ask God for wisdom regarding their innocence!

p.s. I am sorry...got your blood issues mixed up. I was thinking iron was the big deal? Instead, it is platelets. So thankful the levels are better!

js said...

I'm so glad your getting back to normal! That's really awesome. We've been praying for you.

I TOTALLY agree with sheltering your kids. That's our job- right!

Love you friend. Glad you're feeling better. Can't wait to see photos of #4!!!

Wendy said...

I am thanking God for your miracle!!!!!

Just had a recent example of the spend-the-night situation. Not dealing with pornography but in protecting our kids. My 9 yr old stayed over at his friends house this weekend. He has been friends with this child since they were 5. So, I know the parents really well. This is the only person that he has been allowed to spend the night with. He came home telling me about a video game that they played. I was curious so did a search on the net to find out that this game is so bloody and violent that is has been changed from a T rating to a Mature rating. I was so upset with him about it. He assured me that he did not play but just watched his friend play. I had to explain to him that he was still guilty because he cannot watch things like that either. So, I guess my point to this whole matter is that he did not use good judgement and I feel that until he is I have to make the judgement for him or protect him from situations like this. Your sleepover subject came just in time for us. I am thankful that it was not pornography but we will not be doing the sleepover thing anymore. Thanks for always being willing to share with the rest of us.

Leah said...

First, I'm so happy all your labs came back higher and in the normal range! That is super miraculous, I think!

Second, I couldn't agree with you more about sheltering our children. Even little things, I've noticed lately, like bad habits, etc, have come from other families. If our children are this suceptible to taking on the habits of others, how much more so would they take on 'self pleasuring,' or worse.

Third, I've just read an article, and I'll give you the website if you want, about how we must seek out the cure in the natural before asking God to miraculously heal us, because if God has provided it in the natural, we should use the resources given us by him.
That said, the use of vitamins to raise your blood levels is not unlike the sheltering of our children. Both are natural things we can do. Both are sources of wisdom He has given us to make us healthy and whole.

Finally, what do you do if you suspect that someone could, but hasn't, molested your child? Say, if Uncle Bob just seems a bit too interested in your little girl?
Do you allow supervised visitation, or refuse visitation all together? And how do you convince your husband that Uncle Bob should be restrained?

Anonymous said...

Michawn,
Thank the Lord for the answer to prayer.
Your thoughts concerning sheltering children so very important.
As we parents keep the hedge up around our home by not giving place to the enemy our children will be protected. If I open to pornography,or other sins and resist Holy Spirit conviction to repent, the wall of protection around my family will have a gap in it.

I was made aware of this many years ago. I had introduced a
beautiful family to a visiting minister.
Afterwards he told me, that family is not protected. At the time I did not understand, but some months later the Father's unfaithfulness to his wife came to light. Last I heard Mom and daughters were not doing well spiritually.

When our children were small, we had an excellent book we shared with them about right and wrong ways to be touched. Maybe Joel remembers the book. It is an excellent teaching tool.

When I was a boy, my cousin who slept over wanted to touch me in a wrong way. I refused because my Mom had taught me what inapropriet touching was. I thank God for her, her teaching and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit The generational curse in her family was cut off and did not find a place in our family.
Dad

Anonymous said...

I'd love to know the name of the book Joel's Dad mentioned that explains "right and wrong touching". Seems like a great resource to have. I'll try googling but let me know if Joel remembers!

Also, I have questions about how to explain this sheltering mindset to others. In my heart and my actions I agree with this. But, I don't know how to explain it to others. C-man has recently been invited to come play at a preschool's friends house. I haven't really answered the mom fully. When she asked I just agreed with her that they have fun playing together at preschool 2 mornings a week. I didn't have the peace to say yes lets set it up... I was also busy with AG at the time so I just didn't give this mom an answer. This is our first situation to be invited with out me being their to supervise. I totally don't know them or think my 4 year old is ready for a drop off playdate. I know I shouldn't care what the other mom thinks of me but I do want to reply with a kind response and not hurt her for her offer of a drop off playdate. They seem like a nice family but I'm not in a relationship with them. I don't know if they are believers, if this little boy has older siblings, what their home life is like, etc. So its a no in my mind and P's mind. But, I still feel like I'm just avoiding the offer she made since I don't have the right words to express my thoughts. Any insights?

~ Ali

Michawn said...

Wow, some tough questions and great discussion. I am so not the expert in this...we are just starting out on this road ourselves. But, I will give my answers and then hopefully others will ring in too (others that are more experienced and have better insight).

First of all, Mr. Ken, if you or Mrs. Pam know the name of that book you are talking about, that would be so great to have (Joel doesn't remember).

Secondly, we don't know the name of that book, but we just recently got a series called "God's Design for Sex" series. I'm pretty impressed with it and actually plan to post about it sometime. But, it's a series of books and the first of the series you can read to your 3-5 yr. old. It's really cool and at this point, when your child can't read, you can kind of even omit what you don't want to say yet...or read it all...whatever. Anyway, it touches on the whole 'inappropriate touching' thing. Just another idea...I'd love to know that other book too though.

Also, Ali...that's hard. We haven't been confronted with that yet. I mean there have been times that I just didn't feel like our children should do certain things and we told them no. But, I know what you mean about not wanting to hurt someone else, or even wanting to be a light to them and not letting this particular subject paint a picture of you being weird and unrelatable. I'm so sorry, but I really don't have any insights on how to say no...unless maybe you could just invite yourself over too. :-)

And Leah...that's hard too. But, if there are any suspicions at all, I would definitely not allow Uncle Bob to be around the little girl much...and for sure never unsupervised. Pray about it...pray together with the husband about it. If either one of you feel such a thing, even if the other doesn't agree, prayerfully the one that doesn't agree would not take the chances. If it is completely unwarranted, I'm sure God would tell you as you continue to pray.

Again, good questions and discussion. Please, feel free to share wisdom here...anyone.

Anonymous said...

Even in a small town where you know everyone things happen. Our chidren were never asked to come at that young age rxcep at Aunt Marilyn's or Aunt Ann's. So we never faced the issue then. As they got older and we didn't think it was a good idea I just explained that all families were not the same and we did not socialize with all people on a really close level outside organized activities with church, etc. It is hard. You don't want your children to think you think you are "better" than anyone else but you can explain that you are just "different" in your beliefs. Apparently something slipped threw the cracks with us that we are not aware of. Marilyn and I both faced situations when we were early teens but Mama taught us well enough even back then when it was not spoken of very much (that didn't mean it didn't happen - it was just embarrassing to bring it up) and we knew what to do. So education is very important. You don't have to dwell on it but just
"teach" about it. I'll find out about the book Marilyn has.
Love,
Mama

Amanda said...

I have a few "cents" to put in about "Uncle Bob." I have a weird mistrust for boys/men. We have had offers in the past for youth boys to babysit our children, I never took them up on it. It just didn't feel right. I recently told Johan, my hubby, that I felt there was never ANY reason for our kids to be alone with ANY man other than their grandfathers and their daddy. I do trust my brother and my brother-in-law, by why is there ever a reason for them to be alone with our kids? Even with grandfathers, the grandmother is usually around as well. We have trusted some couples that are really good friends to watch our kids in the past, but never just the male part of that couple. Even if we are at a family gathering where there are many members of the family around, there's never a reason for a man other than my husband to take one of our kids into another room alone. Another thing that doesn't happen is lap-sitting with many men, and never in a situation where one of our kids in alone with that family member.

Well, we have SO MUCH to teach our kids about appropriate behavior with other people, especially our Corban, who loves to get too close and personal with lots of people. All this has been a good reminder to talk about this again. I'm pretty sure it's been a year since we discussed places no one should touch. Lately we've been talking about how some adults are not good at all and could hurt him or take him away.

Alisha, I think you should just invite yourself over. I agree with Michawn. If that mom asks you anything about it, you should be honest. That mom knows that you and she don't know each other very well. It won't come as a surprise to her. Nor should your rules about protecting your 4-yr-old. Who knows? Maybe you'll get to handle it without anything becoming an uncomfortable issue. I would offer come over for an adult visit and explain that you and Piper decided he's too young to be at a playdate without you. Another option is to invite her and her son over for tea and playtime. And, this would be very hard for me too, to be honest with her about it. I'm so glad you and Michawn have given us more to think about before the situation arises!!

Matt and Meredith said...

Glad to hear your blood stuff is better.

Yep, I was one of those kids influenced negatively at a sleep over in the 5th grade. I was at a friend's birthday sleep over with about 8 other girls including my friend's older sister who led us all in demonic things like the wi ji board (however you spell it), bloody mary, and light as a feather stiff as a board. I didn't know it was wrong, although it didn't feel right, until I got home and told my mom. There is a lot of peer pressure to still do it even though you know it's wrong, or if you choose to sit out at the next sleep over, it is lonely and scary to be around. My friend's sister also taught us some crude and inappropriate manners.

At another friend's house we watched questionable movies and I learned about sex from her baby sitter. My mom was horrified when I told her about different movies and told me that was not allowed in our family. She was a great mother who prayed for us regularly but was probably a little bit too trusting as well as overwhelmed by being a single mother. You are right Michawn, when you say we need to cover our kids with prayer because my mom's and other's prayers protected us from much worse things happening. We were never abused, nor did we accept any of the lies for truth throughout life even though we were exposed to things. Thank you Jesus!!!!

One circumstance I found myself in high school was when I spent the night with a girl I wasn't real good friends with. She called some college age guys she was friends with and they talked her into us sneaking out of the house, then the two guys picked us up and took us to their apartment where they wanted to hang out, dance, and I don't remember what else. I think her and one of the guys ended up making out and I got uncomfortable and asked to go home as it was the middle of the night. God protected me to say the least. Atleast they respected my wishes.

Great topic. I'm so glad you brought it up. Matt and I don't think we are going to allow sleep overs either. Not even with cousins. It's still too risky with kids wanting to explore and other's sinful nature. It is not necessary in order to have a good time. You can have a good time during the day and then see them tomorrow if you miss them enough. I talked to Matt about it all and he said this will be a topic we will have to discuss and pray about continually as our kids get older and go through different stages. We do have to protect and shelter our children.

Matt and Meredith said...

P.S. One time my brother and I each had a friend spend the night. The two of them ended up in my bed!!! They didn't have sex thank goodness but they did kiss and make out in my bed. Totally inappropriate. It can happen even at your own house if you have others over.

Oh yeah! Another time, I had a friend spend the night and she had the idea to get in our night gowns and pose in "sexy" ways for a camera. I think I was in the 3rd or 4th grade. It never got too crazy and we never exposed ourselves but the posing in a sexy way is inappropriate in and of itself. She was exposed to things in her house that I was not exposed to and she brought it over to my house.

Anonymous said...

This has been such a good topic! So great to think about while my oldest is only 4 way before a sleep over invite is going to happen! Thanks Michawn for posting and getting us all thinking! It really started a great conversation for Piper and I. He was reminding me about Baptist church lock-ins not being such a good idea either! Reminded me about another sis' of mine who was invited to play spin the bottle at a church lock-in. Crazy! Where were the parents or youth leaders while the kids where playing spin the bottle??? Just more examples of the fact that children and youth need trusted parents to always be around! :) I know P and I are going to be praying more specifically about all this now that we have been talking about it. Thanks again Michawn!

As far a C-man's invite to a playdate...God answered my prayer. Some of the mom's at preschool decided to start a sign up list for the summer for a few playdates (Mom's included) at parks and such! Feel more comfortable with that idea! That way I can be close and be listening to the kids playing! :) We have so many Dr's appt till the end of school...the summer playdate idea will be much better for our schedule and still allow supervision for the play time! :)

~ Ali

Michawn said...

It's amazing. I actually thought I might be looked at as a little too extreme when I posted this. These comments and this discussion is definite confirmation to me that we are taking the right steps and have the right mindset. I can't believe all the bad experiences people have had. Story after story I've heard...some who didn't comment here on the blog but chose to just email me even. Incredible.

And Ali...yes, I've also seen lots of things at church that weren't too churchy. Kids are going to explore and do the things they see on TV and in movies. Even if they don't see that stuff, as Meredith pointed out, humans are just curious and at that age, they will...explore because of the sinful nature. Anyway, people used to go behind the church and make out (Wednesday night services were very popular to come to...and not just because of the great programs available). We used to always go walking to the graveyard (cemeteries were spooky and 'fun')...people of course would make out there too (truthfully, more than just the "making out" term insinuates).

I'm praying for us all as we really seek God continually on what He wants us to do in every circumstance as we raise these children He's given us.