What They Don't Tell You

Today I'm going to go into some of the things that I was surprised about...things that I didn't know were normal and some of the things that I had trouble with. Maybe by sharing this, you will either not go through it or at least know that it's normal. Here goes...

1. Bleeding - You will bleed after you give birth...like a major period at first, but then it will taper off. But, what I want to really tell you here is about the clots. You can also pass clots. And, very specifically...LARGE clots. After I had Grady, we were about to go home and I was standing up doing something. All of a sudden it felt like my uterus had just fallen out or something. I went to the bathroom to check to see if I still had my woman parts :-) and no, it was just a huge clot. I hurriedly called the nurse in to see it and check if it was normal or not (I couldn't imagine at the time that it was normal)...oh, the fun of being a nurse (I know...am one, remember?)...someone is always wanting to show you something. Anyway, turns out to my surprise that it was/is normal. It was about the size of a large plum/small apple. I was amazed. By the way, just wanted to warn you of a picture coming up soon that contains blood ("no she didn't put a picture of a placenta on her blog!!"...oh, I did)...beware if you get squeamish.

2. Exhaustion - That is the best word to describe it I guess, but basically just the overall feeling of being completely wiped out. For me it lasts at least a week. I've read birth stories of these women who have homebirths...they push their baby out, hop up and take a shower (full of energy they say), snuggle with the baby for a few hours, and then cook supper. I don't think so. I don't doubt their experience at all, but it has not been mine is all. I am completely wiped out. Do I lose more blood than these people...maybe. Am I just in generally worse shape...maybe. But, for my first shower each time (taken a few hours after each birth), I almost pass out...never fails. I get all shaky (with Hadley I literally blacked out, but fortunately had a stool in the shower, so I just sat down, quickly finished, and got straight to bed) and have to really limit my standing up. Actually, I don't have to limit it...I just can't do it, period. It's not a matter of disciplining myself. It's just not an option. That continues, like I said, for the 1st week at least. Then, I slowly start to get better. By about week 3 I'm feeling almost 100% as far as energy.

3. Stomach muscles - I don't know if it's because I get/have that diastasis thing (read about that here) or what, but I basically have no abdominal muscular support for a few weeks, despite the fact that I've exercised faithfully (esp. doing standing abs). After birth, they are just completely saggy and uncomfortable. After Eissa's birth I actually wore those support bands you can get (don't know why I didn't do that with the other 2) and that helped a ton. But, if I don't have those on, I feel horrible...it just, somehow, adds to my feeling of being wiped out and unable to stand. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it does to me.

4. Episiotomies - This can be a bit controversial since it is done alot. But, basically what I've learned is that an episiotomy is never necessary unless you are about to tear up (instead of towards the rectum). One midwife told me a story once where there was just a smidgeon of skin there that was just not elastic at all and was not giving...wasn't even tearing. She said she snipped just that little piece (probably only one stitch worth) and out came the baby. I'm not saying some kind of intervention is never necessary, but it's rare and should be minimal (like what I described) if one of those rare times occurs. Also, if you do get an episiotomy, unfortunately you are much more likely to tear along that site in future births. Doesn't always happen (thank God...as in my case), but it is more likely to.

5. Breastfeeding - It does happen sometimes where people don't have enough milk. But, I think that probably what happened with me was that I jumped the gun and supplemented too quickly. Of course we'll never know if I would've had enough if I would've just waited until my milk came in without supplementing beforehand. Definitely I didn't have enough after that. I am so thankful for the wise counsel of my midwife with Eissa when she made me promise to not supplement for at least 24-48 hours. Eissa didn't fuss or scream any less than Grady had...but I had promised...and I called her and talked to her (and was so mad when she wouldn't back down and say "well, you are probably right...you don't make enough and you should just supplement, at least just this once)...so, we didn't supplement. And, I had enough. She never had any kind of supplement and never even drank from a bottle (a bottle would've been no big deal with my milk in it, but it was just never necessary). So, my suggestion is always that of my midwife's...wait it out. The baby might cry...might cry for a while. But, he/she will not starve. The baby will do its job of sucking, will sleep, will suck some more (even it seems they aren't getting anything), and eventually your milk will come in. If it's taking a LONG time for your milk to come in (like a week) and you don't think you (or your baby) can wait, please talk to someone who is very pro-nursing and not wishy washy about it...that is, if it's something that is important to you, to be able to nurse your baby exclusively.

6. Relax - Lots of people handle pain the way I did...tensing up and holding their breath. It's a pretty normal reaction. But, if you desire a natural birth, relaxation is key (I recommend the Bradley Method of course). Even in everyday accidents (stumping your toe for instance), I would always tense up and hold my breath. It's amazing how this relaxation thing is across the board. Try it next time you stump your toe. Relax and take normal, slow, deep breaths. It truly does help the pain go away faster.

7. Pushing - I had heard women say that the pushing part felt so great. It was such a relief. I had no idea what they were talking about...I thought they were off their rocker. No :-)...I didn't deny their experience, but that had never been the case for me. Until the 3rd birth, with Eissa. Before that it had hurt like no other pain I had ever experienced. I don't really like to describe pain with this word, but this is the word I would use for the pushing stage of the first 2 births...excruciating. Pretty dramatic, but that's the truth. With Eissa's birth though, I had read a book called "The Joy of Natural Childbirth" by Helen Wessel. In that book it said this..."After transition stage of labor, push only when you feel a contraction beginning; if it hurts to push, don't push at all, but wait until it feels comfortable to do it. After crowning, keep the birth outlet as limp as possible and the prickly feeling will be gone in a few seconds. Don't push, but pant during the contractions. Let the baby's head be born 'hair by hair.'" Now, I didn't pant during contractions...just breathed normally. And, I had that experience where I had to push...my body was basically doing it on its own (yes, it was a weird feeling). But, it was perfect...it didn't hurt, it was quick, and I don't even remember that "prickly feeling" (the 'ring of fire'). It was VERY DIFFERENT than the other 2...probably because I didn't rush it and make it happen. I waited until I felt the urge to push and then I pushed (like I said...couldn't not push). That's what I definitely recommend and plan to do this time.

8. Placenta - I had no idea that there was another baby in there...oh wait...that was the placenta. :-) To me, the placenta feels, in terms of size, like another baby is coming out...it's just boneless and squishy and doesn't really hurt. It does weigh about a pound and a half...and it's big. Just amazing. It's a very strange feeling though. You don't have to push it out. Mine usually comes out immediately after the baby, but that's not always the case. And, because I'm nursey like that, I'm providing you with a fabulous picture. Incredible to think that this thing attached Hadley to me in the womb...and was Hadley's lifeline. So amazing.

And, just for kicks, another fun picture. But, also another point. Those babies can have some super explosive poos. Oh my gosh. I was terribly postpartum here and obviously should've had a shirt on (I must be completely shameless posting it), but we couldn't resist taking a picture even though I was shirtless. If you click to enlarge, though, it gets even better. Grady is actually looking at the camera...with shear satisfaction in his eyes. Hilarious.

Reasons I prefer homebirths (birth center births usually work mostly the same way for some of these points, not all):
1. peaceful
2. don't have to travel to and from hospital (esp. the 'to' part...driving during labor is horrible to me)
3. don't have to worry with unnecessary interventions and hospital protocol
4. can labor any way I want to...any position, without anything attached to me
5. I can birth in the water this way (not always a possibility when you go somewhere else)
6. for that matter, I can have whatever I want...music playing, lights turned down low, children here if I wanted (love the idea of that, but would be terribly distracting, so won't happen...not until they are older anyway)
7. did I mention that it is so peaceful :-)

Other things that I recommend: (I am not the birth/baby expert, but these are the things that I've found extremely helpful so far...I learn more with every baby though; obviously all of these things aren't for everyone, but esp. if you are toying with some of these ideas, I personally believe they are the way to go)
1. educate yourself!! (that's such a yuppie cliche' I know, but truly, the more you know, the better you are at the decisions you will be faced with)
2. Bradley method and also Bradley class if possible
3. midwives
4. homebirths
5. water births...3 things possible advantages of water (doesn't always happen, but most the time it does) - 1) the warm water and "bouyancy" (you aren't just floating around in the pool, but it does make your body feel a little less stressed) causes you to be more relaxed, 2) the warm water aids in relaxing your tissues and promoting more stretchiness, therefore not tearing, 3) it can really, really speed up labor, esp. when you get in at just the right time
6. books about all of that...the 2 most helpful to me have been "The Joy of Natural Childbirth" by Helen Wessel and "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way" by Susan McCutcheon...I've read a ton of good ones though; I love to read all kinds of birth stories too...and books by midwives (Ina May Gaskin and Peggy Vincent for example...very interesting)
7. scheduling your baby (can be controversial, but it is a must for us)..."Babywise" by Gary Ezzo
8. training your children (this starts early) - currently (finally) reading a book that I LOVE, "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp which is alot like the other books that I've read and recommend..."To Train Up a Child" by Michael and Debi Pearl and the other books in the series that the Ezzo's write (also all their tape series..."Growing Kids God's Way" for instance)
9. and while we are on the recommending-things subject, what we all want is the fully happy home; no matter how wonderful your births are or how many books you read about training up your children in the proper way, if your marriage isn't where it needs to be, you will not have that fully happy home; so, just wanted to throw out "Marriage on the Rock"...a set of DVD's you can get by Jimmy Evans (has nothing to do with our church in Texas, Church on the Rock, by the way); this guy is hi-larious and it is just a GREAT set of teaching tapes
10. I can't leave you with just 9...10 is such a round number...so, I'll state the obvious - PRAY PRAY PRAY! :-)

For other rantings about childbirth from me, go here and here.

Congratulations to all you great girls who are with child (or hope to be soon)!! Hopefully these stories and other things have helped and encouraged you in some way. Please share your stories and tips too.