SUCH a great question that Holly brought up yesterday in the comments. I started to just email her and started to just reply in the comment section, but it would be way too long...AND she did say she wondered about the opinions of the readers of this blog. So, I thought I'd just post her comment here, reply to it myself, and then let you also share your thoughts if you want to. Here's what Holly said...
Oh, ugh, Michawn...
I feel much the same as you do...that each couple should seek God's plan in regards to children.
I am wondering, though, and I really, really hope it is okay to bring up here. (You seem open to talk about things....)
I have heard this before, and am wondering what you and your readers think. Do you really think that God tells married people to NOT have kids? Are there any scriptures that we can point to to support that? Or...are married people generally supposed to have children (unless they are infertile, or unless their health prohibits it, or genetic problems which are inconsistent with life...)
I have heard some say that perhaps God does call some to be purposefully childless...and yet in which case perhaps he also calls them to remain unmarried.
I dunno for sure what I think...but I tend to the side that says married people should have kids - even ministry people should have kids. On the other hand, I'm not inside their heads or hearts and can't know for sure what God has said! :)
Just wonderin'.....
So, gosh...I wonder too. :-) Are there any people in the Bible that we can point to that didn't have children because of ministry? I can't think of any off the top of my head. I can think of several examples of women who wanted children and couldn't have them...at least not until the perfect time for God's purposes to prevail, even when it seemed ridiculous to be having a child for that lady. But, are there any who were kept from having children because of ministry purposes? I need to do a study on that.
But, I guess my reasoning in this comes from the people I know who believe they are supposed to remain childless. First of all, I think this is a rare thing/calling. But, I guess I just think that just like God can call someone to being single, he can call a married couple to be childless. Although, like I said, can't point to an example of the latter in scripture like I can of the former.
The people I know who feel called to this literally travel around the country probably 95% of the year. The husband and wife work together, so it's not like the wife could stay home with the kids if they had them (not that that is ideal either, but it's done). They are SO called to this ministry and SO very effective in reaching this generation. It is definitely a God thing. But, as much as having children is also a God thing, that lifestyle would so not be fair to a child...and so not even be possible.
I should also point out here that they have shared with me before that they are completely open and could see themselves possibly adopting an older child at some point in their lives...even if they are still traveling some. What a ministry in and of itself! So, it's not like they are just selfish and don't want children. I know another couple in a similar situation who also feel called to childlessness.
So, just because of those examples...that's the only reason I believe the way I do. Because I just know these people and their lives and trust that they hear God. It's truly none of my business either way with these particular couples anyway, but I'm just giving them as examples of why I think the way I do about it. Again, I think it's rare. My bottom line (in my own thinking) is that everyone should pray about how many to have and hear from God. I guess I just think that number could even be zero. It's a loaded discussion question, that's for sure. But, one that is worth discussing I think...very interesting stuff.
So, that's kind of where I am with it all...my thoughts on the subject (at this point anyway). We would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. This is a potential big-can-of-worms question though, so remember...be nice.
5 comments:
I am gone for a couple of days and i feel like I have missed so much. Trying to catch up and read all the entries I have missed...
Hey thanks, Michawn. It will be interesting to hear what your readers think.
I DO know MANY, MANY, MANY ministry families (both in missions and in pastoring/other church work) who have limited their families because ministry work is too demanding (and pays too little, usually.) In fact, that would be the norm, I would say. (And I say this as one who has been in ministry work for many years...with a large family...well, my whole life, really, since my Dad was a minister too.) My husband and I are the oddity for having a large family and trying to combine that with ministry work. It IS hard, I'll say that!
That, of course, is an entirely different topic, but somewhat related.
I also see that our "current age" does not cherish the family, nor children...not really. If and when ministry families hear God's call to have all the children He sends (whether thru adoption or by birth...and we want to do both)I pray that they will not hesitate to obey His call. I believe that a large family in ministry can be an excellent testimony to a faithless world.
AND...I totally DO see/hear/appreciate the points you have made regarding the couples/examples you gave. For some couples, I have seen how God has not given them birth children, or children right away...but later they DO adopt, or work with children's ministries in some incredible ways.
My own brother and sis in law have only two girls. They have been missionaries for over 20 years. They had one child, and then...no more for 15 years. They were open, that is just all that God sent. I guess I think that is another way that God answers the..."shall we have children" question.
Most ministry families that I know just feel SO much pressure to not have more than a couple...for..."how will they minister if they have more than a couple of kids." I think that is such unfair pressure! (Handed down by the ministry boards, denominational heads, etc....)
p.s. please forgive any grammatical/structural failings here....I have 8 children clambering around me...I can't always think/write straight. :)
This is a very loaded question, but here are my thoughts:
1. Families begin when a man and woman marry. Having children does not 'complete' or 'fulfill' their marriage.
2. Children are a gift from God. Most couples see themselves having children at some point in their marriage.
3. It is my belief that only God should determine the size of your family, even if that includes Him telling a couple to end their fertility (although I think He is big enough to end it Himself).
4. Faith is a big part of my answer. Faith that God CAN and WILL provide for another blessing to feed, clothe and love. Faith that my body can handle another birth. Faith that God will be God.
I'll post a great blessing I had today speaking with an older couple at WalMart. Just blessed my socks off. See you on my blog later!
Leah
ok hope i'm not too late on my comment...here's a story for you:
i have a friend whose family were missionaries in brasil. they tried for 5 years to have children, ended up adopting a girl, then the wife became pg w/ a son, then another son. "wanted" to stop so she got on bc and became pg w/ another son - while on bc! decided that was enough. the husband got a vasectomy and they still had more kids after that. goes to show ya, in my opinion, that a little white pill can't stop God and neither can a "can't have kids anymore" surgery.
He's got a sense of humor i tell ya!
obviously i mean He's in control...to have kids or not to have 'em...God will tell ya.
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