Teaching - Part 2

O.K., so I totally changed my mind. I'm not going to go into Song of Solomon...there's just too much there. Read it for yourself and ask God to show you things. It's not nearly as straightforward as Gen. 24...there is SO much symbolism and things can get quite confusing. But, I highly recommend doing a study on it or listening to a teaching on it. John Graves' teaching is my favorite of course, but I don't think it's available any longer. So, another GREAT teaching on it is done by Tommy Nelson. You can google him. It's an awesome teaching...and he's really funny.

But, I did want to just wrap things up by going into a few things that we did specifically and why we did them that way...some things that were involved in our story.

1. accountability - HUGE I tell you. Without accountability in any area of your life, you are bound to fail. That's a strong statement, but it's just true. That's our flesh for you. If I don't have someone watching my back...if I don't know that I'm going to have to answer to someone for the things that I'm doing, I will undoubtedly fall. Not every time, but it will happen.
My accountability group met weekly. We tried to do a Bible study together at one point, but it just never happened. Our focus was to meet and really delve into each other...the issues we were struggling with, the questions we were having, the things that we were tempted with, etc. It was so good and so encouraging and uplifting. It doesn't work if you aren't COM-PLETE-LY open and transparent. I got MUCH healing out of that group. We all loved each other so much, even though we barely knew each other at all when we first started. We SO cared what was happening and so wanted the best for each other, we were available day and night to each other. There is much to say about accountability as far as a teaching on it, but that is just a glimpse into my personal testimony of it. One thing about Song of Solomon and accountability...there are 3 times where the woman in the story asks her "daughters of Jerusalem" to basically keep watch over her. She wants them to help her to not be "aroused or awakened" by love. "Do not arouse or awaken love before the proper time." It's powerful, that accountability relationship. As all of the things with Joel started happening, I had many "daughters of Jerusalem" around me. It was basically like having a wall up around me until the proper time. They weren't shielding me from Joel, but shielding me from myself and the mistakes that can take place in the natural. They were gathered all around me, supporting me, literally lifting me up in prayer...so wonderful.
Also, even if you don't officially call yourself an accountability group or meet weekly, sometimes you can have an accountability relationship with someone in those regards. For instance, my roommates at the time I definitely considered myself accountable to. They knew most of my business and would ask me about things. Again, I say that they knew most of my business...not all. In accountable you have to have trust, confidentiality, and you have to allow yourself to be open to that person. Now, not that I didn't have those kinds of relationships with my roommates, but without that weekly time of meeting together for the specific purpose of accountability, we just didn't really delve deep into things all the time.
Accountability...huge.

2. purity - As mentioned before, we set our standard to no kissing. I have known people who have set theirs to only pecking, and some to no french kissing (prolonged pecking allowed). Others may have no kissing, but cuddling is not prohibited. There are a billion options on this obviously, but we wanted nothing, nada, zilch. Here was the reason...we wanted to be as close to Jesus on the purity line as possible. Dave Hasz (Teen Mania) did a teaching at Life Challenge once on purity. He gave that illustration. He talked about how people say that they didn't do anything wrong...and technically they haven't. He drew an imaginary line and at one end was Jesus and at the other end was the world. Kissing on the lips might be halfway on the line...halfway between Jesus and the world. He just really challenged us..."why not be as close to Jesus as possible?" was his question. Funny...we sing things like "Draw Me Close to You" and yet we do things that are deliberately not that close to Him.
Anyway, we wanted to be radically close to Jesus on that line. And truthfully, we didn't know anyone who had been very successful in the purity area if they'd allowed themselves to kiss...so we just stayed away from it.
Another point...you will ALWAYS go right up to the water, even if you don't jump in. Here's what I mean: We set the standard (as far as kissing goes) at no kissing...only pecks on the cheek. It's a pretty high standard, but of course we knew that's what we wanted...I don't remember really praying about it...I mean, that's one of those things that God probably wasn't going to be like, "Um, no, I think I want you to kiss and possibly get stirred up and fail physically." :-) Yeah, so that was our decision. Well, as time went on, we did peck on the cheek. But, we also pecked on the nose and on the chin. Interesting...whatever line you set and decide not to cross...you will walk right up to it. So, just remember that when you are setting that line. Do you want your line to be premarital sex only...WOW...there's lots that can be done up until you get to that line, right? See what I mean?
Purity in our thoughts was huge, but that's a personal discipline...helped with accountability of course.
Purity in our speech though was not personal. God had taught us so much up to that point. It was amazing. I think back to the things I used to say to guys in high school and college...nothing horrible or even bad, but there was just no filter. If I thought it, I said it (if I wanted to say it). By this point, I was basically a completely different person. If you'll remember, I never told Joel how I felt in the natural. Well, that's possible when you don't walk in the natural. When you've disciplined yourself and have the power from the Spirit to not walk in the natural (study Romans 8), then that's not your first impulse anymore anyway. But, we just never talked about the possibilities. When Joel first said that he liked me...that was all that was said. He left that night not really knowing how I felt at all...and he hadn't expounded anymore either. We prayed about us after that, but we never talked about us and what might be or when it might happen if it was going to happen or what it would be like to be married or yada yada yada...we just didn't go there. That day at the dam even (after his meeting with my dad), the only thing that was said was that we were going to have a fun life. That was it.
Please understand too...this was not hard. It wasn't like we were biting our lips trying not to say anything. I think that God was just so guarding us...we were so walking in His Spirit that we were totally led by Him as to when to say what. Sometimes we even had to be prodded along (remember Dave's word to me). Anyway, that's a huge thing too...not only physical purity, but purity in speech.

3. mentoring - I talked about this a good bit in the story itself and even in the Gen. 24 points, but I just want to reiterate how important it is. This and accountability really go hand in hand sometimes...and you can even have someone in your accountability that you also consider a mentor in many ways. Nicole is a good example of that for me. Tammy Lucas was another definite mentor for me in that time, along with Dave, her husband, and of course John. It wasn't like I went to them and asked them to mentor me. They didn't come to me and say that they wanted to be my mentor. It just kind of happened, even without the titles being used. But, sometimes it will happen that you will ask, or you will be asked. However it happens, it must be Spirit-led, or it will be a flop honestly...same with accountability (same with everything of course really, but you know...).
Teachability is the big key factor with mentoring and accountability. There were tons of times where, if I was still walking in an unteachable spirit, I would NOT have listened to John esp. (he was the one who gave instruction most). I would've thought he could go stick his advice somewhere else if you know what I mean. But, early on (before I even met Joel maybe) I had a dream, totally from God. I won't go into detail, but after the dream I KNEW that I was ready to listen. I was sticking to John (and mentors in general) like glue. Total surrender and teachability. It was awesome...and proved to obviously be the best thing that could've happened to me.
If you don't know anyone that you would even want as a mentor (I know that it was a rare place and a rare situation I was in there during those times), pray for God to send you one...or for God to send you where there is one for you. It will happen. He will meet you where you are and meet your needs for even a mentor if that is what He has for you.

4. your heart - GUARD IT!! Prov. 4:23 - "Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do." (NLT) I also like the way the Amplified puts it..."Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life." I don't know...it just seems to me like guarding your heart might be really important given this scripture.
I had no idea what guarding my heart even meant. I had never heard the term, much less a teaching on it. But, here's the bottom line...hearts are always affected by relationships that aren't supposed to be. The whole "dating around" thing that has been condoned and even encouraged for years by Christians...and in youth groups...man, horribly horrible for your heart. John used to say, "We're practicing for divorce...get together, break up, get together, break up."
Until that one relationship that I was in for 3 1/2 years, I never thought I was affected. My heart never seemed affected...and it certainly wasn't broken. But, I now realize that even that is a lie from the enemy. Your heart is always affected...and as far as being broken...your heart may not be broken, but chances are that if yours isn't, the other one's is. Let me tell you something that I had never heard before...I am responsible for that. That guy that I broke up with when I was a senior in high school and he was crushed...of course he got over it and his heart recovered in time, but I am responsible for how I treat my brother in Christ. We have to guard our own hearts, but we also have to guard each others' hearts. This isn't a game. If you think that it's o.k. and that you aren't affected and this is just a bunch of malarky (too sentimental and mushy and overdramatic for your taste)...maybe the problem is actually that your heart has been hardened. I challenge you...study your Bible on the heart. Are we supposed to play around with each other's hearts? No.
Think of it physically...when you give your heart away, even just a tiny bit of it, when you break up, that part is left with that person...or, it's given back but still is torn off. It has to be healed...stitched back to your heart. What usually happens when something has to be stitched? There is a permanent scar there. Prov. 4:23...the heart affects everything you do. Can God heal you completely and remove even the scar? Of course He can. But, here's the point...it's possible to just avoid that injury, that need for stitching, altogether. That is the simpler way. And, yes, He can heal you and totally restore, but He Himself put it in his letter to us what He really wants us to do...Proverbs 4:23.
Guard your heart.

Then of course there are the very obvious things like not going places alone or being in a house by yourselves. No flirting, because basically if you are supposed to be living like the opposite sex is your brother or sister, that's totally gross...to flirt with your brother or sister. Anyway, I say this is all obvious, but those things weren't obvious to me until after I heard this teaching. But, if you start to walk and live this way though, it will become obvious in time. Even if this teaching is not common or even remotely known where you are, God can meet you and show you things that only He can reveal...even if you are the only one. He loves you and wants to protect you. He wants to give you His best in His timing...just trust Him for that and let Him be your husband until that happens (Is. 54).