The Joel and Michawn Story - Part 10

So we went back to being just friends. We were always just friends, but for a while there I guess we were technically friends with possibilities. No longer.

Again, we didn't hang out any less or any more. That is one thing that I actually wrote in my journal. I made a list of 5 things that we could be thankful for after the "no" discussion. One of those things was that it had never once been "weird" between me and Joel. Never once was it awkward or different. We had always been close friends. We were still close friends. That's only, though, because even through the "interest" and "possibility" stage, we had never given our hearts over in the least bit...we had never flirted an ounce...we had never gushed with feelings...never "dated" or talked about future plans (including each other). We had been guarded and remained friends...keeping Jesus our focus, never turning our focus to each other.

A couple of weeks after the "no" discussion, I was at church talking to a friend and mentor of mine, Tammy Lucas. I had not had a chance to really fill her in on anything related to Joel (it was a busy summer for both of us)...she knew nothing of the whole thing actually. So, we were actually setting up a time for me to go over to her house that week and catch up...I still wasn't mentioning anything to her about the whole Joel topic...just told her I had lots to tell her. Her husband, who is gifted prophetically, looked very intently at me the whole time we were talking. In fact, he was standing behind her looking like he was about to bust. I looked back at him and said hi to him. He was very serious and never said hi. Tammy looked at him and said, "Oh, he's got a word for you." :) Don't you just love those married people that can read each other like a book? :)

Dave said, "You need to express your inner thoughts." Tammy asked, "To who?" Dave said, "I don't know, but whoever it is...if you don't reveal your ponderings about your future, your feelings, your thoughts...it will prolong whatever is supposed to happen."

I got home that afternoon and John immediately said, "What's wrong?" OH, the discerning people that were around me! :) I told him "nothing", but he prodded some more. I told him what Dave had said. He asked me, "Is he talking about Joel?" I told him I had thought of that, but I really didn't have anything to say to Joel. We had our answer. That was it. It was a done deal. I really didn't think it was Joel.

As sure as I was that it wasn't Joel that Dave's word was about on Sunday...that's how sure I was of the opposite being true by that Thursday. I really felt strongly that I was supposed to talk to Joel. A few things had happened to lead me to feel that way.

Census (our patient load...the number of patients we had on my floor at the hospital that is) was low at work that week and I also came down with some sort of sore throat issues, so I really didn't work that much (part of one night only). Therefore, I spent more time with John and Nicole, Dave and Tammy, and Joel (and other friends). It was an activity-filled week. That word that God had given through Dave had really been stirring in me during those few days. I met with Tammy and she really, really encouraged me in just everything that was going on, saying that I was handling everything very well, that I had learned things that she didn't learn until she was married with 5 kids, that I was going through a lot of tests and I was passing them all with A's. She was just very encouraging and of course I just sat there with tears streaming down my face as she encouraged.

That night Joel and I met up at the college there (Kilgore College) to see a friend of ours sing in a big band...so fun. That same friend went to college a couple of hours away and told us about a new local band that was playing at her school the next night and asked us if we wanted to go to the concert (MercyMe was the name of the new, unknown band by the way). So, the next night me, Joel, and Brian Boyle headed to meet up with Bethany again.

On the way back from that concert, Joel asked me how my meeting with Tammy went. I had already journaled about it and just got out my journal for him to read that entry. I dropped Brian off at his car on campus and drove Joel home a few blocks away. He remarked that it sounded from my journal entry like I was doing really good with everything. He said that it sounded like to him I was doing even better than him...that he still had these "feelings" that tended to want to pop up sometimes. I told him that I was not a step ahead of him like he said. We talked a bit more and the bottom line was that we were looking at a no. We had to treat it as a no, focus, and move on.

After that brief discussion though, I knew the word was about him. I needed to tell him my feelings and ponderings about the future.

Continued in Part 11.

I only have a couple of pictures from that 2-week time span. It was a very busy 2 weeks...maybe just too busy to take pictures. I think it strange esp. that I didn't take pictures of the MercyMe concert. For those of you who knew me, esp. then, I took LOTS of pictures (I still do of course, but believe it or not, I take alot less now). The photo center people at Wal-Mart knew me by name. I would walk in (at least weekly) and they would look at me and say "Michawn Madden, just one minute" and go to get my pictures. :) Nevertheless, these are the only 2 pics from then. Several of us went over to Justin and Joel's place one afternoon...swam, ate, hung out (mostly LeTourneau people). It was a good time.


I love how Dana is looking at Daniel (the guy in red that got cut out of the picture a bit) in this picture. We were all just friends at the time, but they later got married as well. Awwwweeee.