Sunday, February 28, 2016

Joel. Michawn. {Part 75 - November on Facebook, 4}

Some elaborations on some of the things I've posted on Facebook...

Nov. 27th -
Difficulties prepare ordinary people for extraordinary destinies. 

Nov. 27th - I posted this article, called "I Don't Want YOU To Work It Out...," and these words...

my marriage did not involve a sexual adulterous affair. but, it did involve a deep, deep betrayal. i was, and remain, the *faithful* spouse. i am married to the unfaithful spouse. 
true repentance involves true change. and when you don't have that, the betrayal just keeps going. without true change, it's impossible for that marriage to survive. the jury is still out on what will happen here. 
but, i love what this article says. i love this whole blog, regardless of the typos. the ball is in the court of the unfaithful spouse...the faithful spouse can only wait and see if the unfaithful spouse will choose the right things and act accordingly. yet, the sickeningly overwhelming majority of people don't see it that way. 
why is the jury still out here? because i'm still waiting to see if true change will come. it hasn't yet. i'm weary. 
pray for me. i have many decisions to make. and pray that the church as a whole will stop allowing and defending this kind of behavior that sees the faithful spouse as somehow able to turn the tide. the church, who ultimately blames the enemy for the breakdown of marriage, is so often the actual culprit for the failure of marriages.  
~I do not want a faithful spouse to work “it” out.
What I want to see is an adulterous spouse repent…then and only then is there a possibility of godly restoration in the marriage.~
Nov. 29th -
"Whenever I hear submission expounded from Ephesians 5 as a duty meant only for wives, there are two things I say, if possible. The first is that verse 21 is there and does not read this way: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, except husbands do not ever need to submit to their wives.” And second, using the same logic that supposedly exempts husbands from submitting, I point out that likewise wives do not need to love their husbands; loving is a job given to men. This is readily seen as absurd, of course, for in many other places we are told to love one another, which includes wives to their husbands! Mutual submission is God’s plan for us. Let’s practice it!" 
- W. M. Kwiatkowski 
A friend commented saying this...
In one of the best sermons I ever heard on submission, the pastor explained the word used there means "to come alongside." The picture is of SUPPORT, not so much obedience. That is a loving role, a helpmate role...and any marriage where the husband does not also do this for his wife (love and support) would be a nightmare.
To which I responded and elaborated more...
agreed. the original language supports this view of 'helpmate' vs. the view taught by complementarianism/patriarchy/traditionalists.  
~The phrase “helper suitable,” rendered “help meet” in the King James Version, comes from a combination of the words ezer and kenegdo. Far from connoting subjugation, the Hebrew term ezer, or “helper,” is employed elsewhere in Scripture to describe God, the consummate intervener—the helper of the fatherless (Psalm 10:14), King David’s helper and deliverer (Psalm 70:5), Israel’s shield and helper (Deuteronomy 33:29). Ezer appears twenty-one times in the Old Testament—twice in reference to the first woman, three times in reference to nations to whom Israel appealed for military support, and sixteen times in reference to God as the helper of Israel. The word evokes both benevolence and strength, and is a popular name for Jewish boys, both in the Bible and in modern times.  
In Genesis 2, ezer is combined with the word kenegdo to mean something like “a helper of the same nature,” or a corresponding character. Kenegdo literally means “as in front of him,” suggesting that the ezer of Genesis 2 is Adam’s perfect match, the yin to his yang, the water to his fire—you get the idea. Everything about this descriptor implies mutuality and harmony, and it provides us with a lovely glimpse of what a sinless relationship between a man and a woman might look like, the picture of a true partnership. This reality is reflected in Adam’s reaction to God’s creation of woman. He responds with “ishshah!” a play on words, which basically means, “Wow, this one is like me!” (Interesting note: The woman of the creation narrative is not called Eve until after the Fall.)~ -Rachel Held Evans (and many theologians i've read say the same) 
another author described it as God making the woman to be man's 'strongest ally in pursuing God's purposes and his first roadblock when he veers off course.' again, this same word that the KJV describes as 'helpmeet' is used to describe God... 
~God isn't a helpmeet in the watered-down milquetoast way we've taught or understood that word within our churches, is He? No, our God is more than that: He's a strong helper, a warrior.  
By naming His daughters after this aspect of His character, God did not name women as secondary helpmeet assistants. No, friend -- women were created and called out as warriors.  
You, sister -- did you know? You are a warrior, alongside brothers, on God's mission in the world. Brother, did you know? You have an ally; you aren't in this alone. And this calling of fellow warriors is not exclusive to husbands and wives in a marriage relationship; men and women together in the Kingdom of God are allies.~ -Sarah Bessey 
wouldn't it be great if all males and females viewed it like this? the world would be a much different place. our marriages would be much different. our churches would be much different. much better all the way around. the Church and God's kingdom here on earth would have much more potential and be much more balanced and fit for His work. i believe things are changing. i hope a mighty revolution in this regard truly happens.

Nov. 29th -
this. is. HUGE. this is trust. this is what it means and what it involves. watch this. if everyone really knew this stuff, our world could be changed and would be SO much better.

And more specifically, marriages and families would change.  This is needed.  People need to know this.

As the video says, "Trust is built in very small moments."  Someone who remembers names, someone who attends funerals of your loved ones, someone who generally pays attention, someone who knows what is important to you, someone who is dependable to help out in a time of need, someone who is willing to admit when they need help or are wrong.

"Trust is built in the smallest of moments." --John Gottman, Ph.D.  Listen in this video about what he calls 'sliding door moments.'  Powerful.  These small moments go one of two's an opportunity to build trust, or an opportunity to betray.  "To choose to not connect when the opportunity is there is a betrayal."

In my own marriage, the opportunity to betray (in almost every way possible) has been taken consistently for the past 4+ years.  We have to learn the information in this video, and we have to teach our children, so that what has happened to me doesn't keep happening to people.

Trust - Choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.
Distrust - "What I have shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you."

If I have cut ties with you, it's because of that right are not a safe and reliable person in my life.

Listen about the acronym B-R-A-V-I-N-G.  Take notes.  Learn it.

Be a person of integrity...listen to that video to hear what integrity really is.

Let's change this world for the better. Because if we all lived trustworthy lives, this world would be a very different, much better place.

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