Oct. 23rd - I posted this article, called "Peace Out 'Love and Respect' Gender Roles," with these words...
Love and Respect?...naaah! Years ago we bought the book, we watched some DVDs. At the time we laughed about how, if this was true, the roles were definitely reversed with us. We laughed about it. Now?...Now things like this make me mad. Because it's all just a bunch of hogwash...and I see (and know personally) the damage it does.
"Just as American Christians eventually let go of enslaving human beings in the name of the Bible, it is time to let go of ancient household structures that limit and oppress women in the home and church. We must distinguish between Pauline theology and cultural instructions to specific churches/Christians that are not timeless and universal truths."
Oct. 24th - I posted this...
To be truly seen and truly heard, to be truly held and healed...this is what it looks like. To be truly known and understood...I'm realizing what a gift that is. And how very, very rare that is.
And not because the wounded people are 'complicated.' Not because they are difficult. But because people aren't willing to view others in the right way. They aren't willing to see hearts, to see aches, to touch and hold wounds (people don't even want to know about your wounds, much less touch them and hold them).
In my life pre-2012, it was rare that I'd been treated poorly by anyone. And on the rare occasions I was, we were able to work it out quickly and easily. I'm not into drama or long, drawn out conflicts. But, that was before ongoing and blatant mistreatment (oppression, abuse) was a part of my life. And, it was a part of my life, from 2012 on, all in the name of Jesus. So, my saying that people were mistreating me when 'clearly' people were just taking action in my life because they just loved me and wanted me to be on the right path with Jesus (because 'clearly' I wasn't on Jesus' path for me if I wasn't just following my husband and doing whatever he wanted to do no matter if it put me in harm's way or not) was just me being a brat and being ungrateful for the love shown to me. I wasn't being mistreated...I was being loved...in the name of Jesus.
It was all being done for Jesus. My oppression and abuse was all done in Jesus' name...and is still being done because complementarianism dies hard and major remnants still remain. Why does it die hard? Because when your husband is taught, by his parents and everyone around him, as part of his foundation in how he relates to the world to have distrust in women simply because they are female and that men can always be trusted more, simply because they are male (please visit that link to see the very dangerous beliefs I'm talking about...what Joel was taught all his life), it makes for complete disharmony. And when a husband doesn't trust his wife even though he has been given absolutely no reason to not trust her, except for the fact that she is female, and trusts others instead...betrayal. Disharmony and betrayal. Always. It's never-ending.
1. When one is taught complementarianism, they don't see hearts...they see gender and all that they have been taught about gender; that females are always trying to usurp authority...and are prone to being controlling and manipulative. They don't hear aches...they hear gender; that females are always ruled by their emotions and can't be trusted. They don't touch and hold and heal wounds...because those wounds are not even real; they are made up, wrongly perceived wounds that are only there because the 'wounded' female has, once again, blown something out of proportion. The female has, once again, made mountains out of molehills...because she is ruled by emotions and wants to control and manipulate. Women can't be trusted! And you never, ever, ever speak ill of your husband...ever. It doesn't matter if what he is doing is literally killing you...you keep your mouth shut and 'trust God.' If you start to speak out, that makes you even more untrustworthy than your simple femaleness made you in the first place. So, you are the least trustworthy person there is.
2. Within the church in general, they don't see hearts, they don't hear aches, and they don't touch/hold/heal wounds. Most often it is because of #1, but even if they don't have complementarian beliefs working against them...people have stopped being caring. They have stopped being compassionate...esp. about people in situations such as mine. They are busy, they blame victims, they are cynical and untrusting...and just generally blind to others' real and true needs.
This meme provides the perfect model for how ALL of God's people should be with each other...and with everyone in the world at large.
What this image says is what it would mean and what it would look like to truly be God's hands and feet! It is so so rare though. Let's change that!! Please!
Oct. 25th - I posted this article, called "8 Reasons We May Need to Cut Ties with Family Members to be Healthy." I got some very supportive comments...people who have had to do the same and are so much more at peace on the other side. The way it should be. Here's an excerpt...
Cutting ties with family members is one of the hardest decisions we may face in life because we are conditioned to believe that to terminate relationships with "family" is morally and inherently wrong. The facts are that "family members" are just people and not always healthy people, and if these people weren't family we would never choose them to be a part of our lives due to their poor treatment of us. Therefore, under the ideal of family, we spend years sacrificing our mental and emotional health in abusive relationships under the notion that we "have to" because these people are our family. We are conditioned to believe that if we end relationships with them that we are "bad" and no one wants to be or feel like they are an inherently bad person.
Great article. Great information.
Several new posts will be made here this week...check back soon.