Thursday, February 18, 2016

Joel. Michawn. {Part 69 - October on Facebook, 3}

The next several posts will be me sharing some of the things I've posted on Facebook that I want to preserve here on my blog.  Good stuff.  I also usually go into more detail about each thing that I posted on Facebook here...more explanation, more information.  So, here we go...

Oct. 15th -
a short but *excellent* article called "Stop Pretending Sexism is a Legitimate Religious Belief." sooo good.   

and...the link at the bottom to jimmy carter's TED talk (placed below for your convenience)...check it is also most excellent. i love carter's last point, which sadly is so true: "in general, men don't give a damn." let's turn the tide, boys. read this that video. then ask yourself, what are you going to do about it?

Oct. 16th -
i read this yesterday and was clapping. i so love this. the double standards in how we relate to each other and what we automatically think of each gender is just astounding...and literally sickening. very, very distorted, untrue, and damaging. loved the kinds of things she said like this... 
"I’m over trying to find the 'adorable' way to state my opinion and still be likable!" 
i mean, yes!! 
**language alert

Why Do I Make Less Than My Male Co‑Stars? 
(subscribe at to read more)

When Lena first brought up the idea of Lenny to me, I was excited. Excited to speak to Lena, who I think is a genius, and excited to start thinking about what to complain about (that’s not what she pitched me, it’s just what I’m gonna do). When it comes to the subject of feminism, I’ve remained ever-so-slightly quiet. I don’t like joining conversations that feel like they’re “trending.” I’m even the asshole who didn’t do anything about the ice-bucket challenge — which was saving lives — because it started to feel more like a “trend” than a cause. I should have written a check, but I fucking forgot, okay? I’m not perfect. But with a lot of talk comes change, so I want to be honest and open and, fingers crossed, not piss anyone off.

It’s hard for me to speak about my experience as a working woman because I can safely say my problems aren’t exactly relatable. When the Sony hack happened and I found out how much less I was being paid than the lucky people with dicks, I didn’t get mad at Sony. I got mad at myself. I failed as a negotiator because I gave up early. I didn’t want to keep fighting over millions of dollars that, frankly, due to two franchises, I don’t need. (I told you it wasn’t relatable, don’t hate me).

But if I’m honest with myself, I would be lying if I didn’t say there was an element of wanting to be liked that influenced my decision to close the deal without a real fight. I didn’t want to seem “difficult” or “spoiled.” At the time, that seemed like a fine idea, until I saw the payroll on the Internet and realized every man I was working with definitely didn’t worry about being “difficult” or “spoiled.” This could be a young-person thing. It could be a personality thing. I’m sure it’s both. But this is an element of my personality that I’ve been working against for years, and based on the statistics, I don’t think I’m the only woman with this issue. Are we socially conditioned to behave this way? We’ve only been able to vote for what, 90 years? I’m seriously asking — my phone is on the counter and I’m on the couch, so a calculator is obviously out of the question. Could there still be a lingering habit of trying to express our opinions in a certain way that doesn’t “offend” or “scare” men?

A few weeks ago at work, I spoke my mind and gave my opinion in a clear and no-bullshit way; no aggression, just blunt. The man I was working with (actually, he was working for me) said, “Whoa! We’re all on the same team here!” As if I was yelling at him. I was so shocked because nothing that I said was personal, offensive, or, to be honest, wrong. All I hear and see all day are men speaking their opinions, and I give mine in the same exact manner, and you would have thought I had said something offensive.

I’m over trying to find the “adorable” way to state my opinion and still be likable! Fuck that. I don’t think I’ve ever worked for a man in charge who spent time contemplating what angle he should use to have his voice heard. It’s just heard. Jeremy Renner, Christian Bale, and Bradley Cooper all fought and succeeded in negotiating powerful deals for themselves. If anything, I’m sure they were commended for being fierce and tactical, while I was busy worrying about coming across as a brat and not getting my fair share. Again, this might have NOTHING to do with my vagina, but I wasn’t completely wrong when another leaked Sony email revealed a producer referring to a fellow lead actress in a negotiation as a “spoiled brat.” For some reason, I just can’t picture someone saying that about a man.
Oct. 20th - I know that many of you have been disturbed by the fact that I no longer go to church. And while I love God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit...and while I love God's idea for the church...1) I/we need healing that a church cannot/will not/does not provide (only Jesus and good counseling can do that), and 2) there are no churches around us that would be anywhere near the type of church we would attend given what we believe to be true about God and His Word. 

When healing has come to my marriage, and we can start branching out to others in our lives again (the few that remain...and the new people that God is bringing into our lives), we might seek out a church that meets our needs and beliefs.  I have no idea what that will look like in our lives.  Will we end up even moving?  What does our future hold?!?...we have no idea.  But, as I said here...
i had read this post and was getting ready to share this link ( sure to read it too) and then close the window to that link (*website currently under construction, so I can't provide the actual link here on the blog at this time). but then i read a few comments. i'm soooo glad i did. one commenter put into words what i've been trying to formulate in my own thoughts and verbalizations for so long now. it's so logical and bottom-lined. i'm so glad to have read her words. 
~Your post hits on one of THE biggest issues in the egalitarian movement: UNITY – and the question of fighting from within or leaving. 
Sarah begins Jesus Feminist by inviting us outside to a bonfire on the beach. The Introduction is one of my favorite parts of the whole book. Tears streamed when I read Sarah’s words about ‘The Table.’ 
She writes: 
“I’ve got a crazy idea for you. Let’s be done lobbying for a seat at the Table.” 
And a few paragraphs later she continues, 
“I want to be outside with the misfits, with the rebels, the dreamers, second-chance givers, the radical grace lavishers, the ones with arms wide open, the courageously vulnerable, and among even – or maybe especially – the ones rejected by the Table as not worthy enough or right enough. The Table may be loud and dominant, but love and freedom are spreading like yeast. I see hope creeping in, destabilizing old power structures. I feel it in the ground under my feet. I hear it in the stories of the people of God living right now. We’re whispering to each other, eyes alight, ‘Aslan is on the move.’” 
And she finishes with, 
“And someday – I really believe this – we will throw our arms around the people of the Table as they break up the burnished oak. We’ll be there to help them heave it out the windows, smashing every glass ceiling…” 
My goodness that is some breathtakingly good writing. 
There are so many of us that are desperate for that day to come. You, me, Rachel, Sarah…but we haven’t agreed on the best way to make it happen. 
Jory – you write in your post, “It’s time to throw our Bibles in our duffel bags, let go of fear, join forces, and drive to the ‘enemy’s camp’ to take back what He stole from us.” I LOVE your zeal. Your vim and vigor. And believe me, we are DEFINITELY on the same team. 
But, I don’t think the “enemy’s camp” is worth taking back. Complementarians can keep the church they have created. Most ministries need money to survive. Churches – whether we like it or not – need offerings to keep the heat on and the communion table stocked. 
Every Sunday that egalitarians sit in complementarian churches and support their ministry (particularly financially), they are perpetuating a system of unBiblical oppression. I don’t see how we can ethically fight this fight from the inside.  
Would you give money to a ministry that supported slavery? Would you stay in a church that preached that God didn’t intend for races to intermarry? 
There are some things that are so important – they justify DIS-unity. And this is one of them. 
When I discovered egalitarianism, I stopped giving to complementarian ministries.
My heart is in your fight, but rather than throwing my Bible in a duffle bag to take back what we should have never been denied - - I put my money in a duffle bag and left (and now give to ministries that don’t perpetuate complementarianism). 
It’s nice outside the bubble of evangelicalism. There’s a whole lot of love out here. I can see Sarah’s bonfire on that beach from all the way down here in Savannah, Georgia. 
There are bonfires burning everywhere. We don’t need to fight. Our bonfires will grow while it gets colder and more empty inside complementarian churches. 
Complementarians can keep their walls and glass steeples. The sky’s the limit out here.~
One thing I know is that my life will never look the same as far as church goes.  My eyes have been opened to so many things these past few years concerning Christianity.  So many harmful things...all excused away, and most of it even explained away framed in what sounds very 'holy' and 'righteous.' Many very anti-Jesus notions that are believed to be completely Biblical and part of God's plan. When it comes right down to it, the church is cold and uncaring and unkind and nothing at all close to what God ever had in mind.

So thankful to have been exposed to the truth of the reality of the church...and to be able to go in a different direction.  Hopefully, eventually, change will come to the church...and God's people will actually start acting like God's people.  I pray that this occurs, for the sake of all involved.  

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