Wednesday, March 02, 2016

Joel. Michawn. {Part 76 - December on Facebook, 1}

Some elaborations on some of the things I've posted on Facebook...

Dec. 1st -
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Dec. 1st -
my friend, cleveland brown (yes, that's his real name), just posted this. so sad but true. 
"Some people aren't loyal to you. They are loyal to their need of you. Once their needs change so does their loyalty."
Dec. 1st - 

Dec. 2nd -
this is SO RIGHT ON!! 27 seconds, y'all. take less than 30 seconds and listen to this.
Vulnerability is...
"Being willing to express the truth, no matter what......" 
Love the rest of what she says too.

Dec. 2nd -
guilt vs. shame. we simply must learn the difference, y'all. 
i’ve caught SOOOO much flack over the past year about telling my story. so much. and so often, even when Joel has been *so* drowning in sin and i was *still* there forgiving him and giving him more chances…even then, i was being vilified. *even when joel himself* was speaking his heart about how he’d done wrong and voicing his regrets, still it was me that was targeted…and so many spoke out on his behalf, arguing with him and telling him not to give in to shame. 
HUGE difference between guilt and shame. HUGE. i’ve spoken out about it many times before in the past few months. 
how do i know this stuff when VERY seasoned Christians…pastors and leaders and counselors and missionaries…*don’t* know this?!?!? they are so very confused on this issue!! sweet dear JESUS!! 
if pastors and leaders and counselors and missionaries don’t know this stuff, no WONDER the church is in such a horrible state! 
help us, Lord! 

Dec. 3rd - I posted this because 1) we are swifties in this house from way back, and 2) I love what she had to say speaks to what females are fed and taught.  Only one minute long.

Dec. 8th - I posted this article, called "Not All Comps," and these words.
that tagline ("At what point does defense of an idea become complicity in the abuses inherent to that ideology?")!! this man's words nail it. 
someone commented: "Thank you for saying it so well. The biggest Christian need today is not to feed the hungry or send somebody else on a missionary trip. The biggest and most ignored need today is to free Christian women from complementarianism, and to allow her the freedom in Christ that all Christians should have." 
the reply to that comment: "Which will empower them to do the very work you described above in a way that can actually change the world, speak into its brokenness."
funny he should say that. we *were* on the mission field. why are we no longer? **because of the abusive ideology of complementarianism.** 
this is a great article...and really tackles the whole 'but, not every complementarian is like that' argument. 
~Why does this keep happening? How can people hear the horror stories, see the damage, and still defend these men? 
The answer is fear. Fear of losing their grounding, fear of admitting complicity. Most importantly, fear that questioning the status quo will bring a quick descent into post-modernity and relativism. Fear that to question these teachings is to question the Gospel itself. 
Of course, they insist complementarianism is the clear teaching of Scripture and anyone who rejects this clear teaching is rejecting Scripture itself. When you question the inerrant teachings they put forth you cannot truly have a moral compass or come to God salvifically. After all, Jesus taught Inerrancy! 
As Christians, we are not called to defend the ideas of men. Paul confronts the Corinthian church because they had become disciples of men instead of disciples of Christ (1 Cor 1:10-17). They allowed certain persons to have primacy and privilege over others (1 Cor 8, 11:17-22). 
We must remember Jesus, in his death as the humble, emptied, crucified God exposes the plight of those oppressed, defies the power which denigrates, and opposes systems of discrimination and separation (1 Cor 1:18-31; Gal 3). The crucified cross of God calls us to take up his cause to uplift the oppressed and love all persons above ourselves (Phil 2:1-12; Luke 9:21-27; Matt 20:20-28, 25:31-46). 
Thus, when confronted by the hurt of others at the hands of abusive or discriminatory ideologies our response should not be to insert our own narrative by declaring “Not All Comps”. Instead, like the God who became human, we must immerse ourselves in the narrative of their suffering (Isa 52:13-53:12).~
Dec. 10th - I posted this article, called "Exorcism at Mars Hill:  One Woman's Story of Sex, Demons, and Mark Driscoll," and these words...
this is something that i've said several times before, but it bears repeating...things like this that i post, Joel and i have discussed thoroughly already. this is nothing that i'm saying 'against' him or anything. he sees things very differently now...because we've learned a lot about the belief system that we grew up with and how it is so detrimental. "not always" people may say. but, as an article i posted a couple of days ago asked... 
**At what point does defense of an idea become complicity in the abuses inherent to that ideology?** 
and it's true...abuse *is* inherent. if there are abuses that *regularly* happen within an ideology or theology, and from even the *leaders* of that ideology/theology...something is clearly wrong. 
and i share these things because there are many others that are in the same boat as we were...prescribing to a theology that has major potential to be, or already is in their lives, very destructive and detrimental...and are looking for a way out. they can relate to and learn from these things that i share. 
this interview hit SO close to home. some of the things she went through just exactly describe some of the things i went through. and all because i'm female. 
~“My husband was always pretty stubborn,” says Amy, “but Mark’s preaching made that part of his personality worse. He most definitely felt empowered by Mark to rule over me. I experienced that more and more the longer we were married. The church encouraged it.~ --> my husband isn't the stubborn type, but i could always tell when he had been 'advised' by his mentors...because he would step up the intensity and confidence that he was 'the boss' and he was 'in charge' and 'the head of the family'...and i just needed to follow. 
~During those talks (mini-counseling sessions) Amy often felt invisible. “Mostly because I was the wife,” she says, “a woman, the ‘weaker vessel.’ Because I was a woman, my opinions and complaints fell on deaf ears. But my husband’s opinions and complaints, however, were always heard. Any complaint he’d make, I was told that I needed to repent. Often I’d leave those sessions feeling depressed and angry, feeling like a child because I’d been reprimanded for not being an obedient wife.”~ 
this happened to me constantly!! you can read about one example of this in Part 39 of our story here…. i can so relate to this...this was my life. 
again, this is sadly a very, very common story. this is a picture of complementarianism. it, more often than not, leads to abuse in some form eventually. thank God we are done with that...and i pray that God continues to use me to help others see the reality of this damaging theology. 

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