Joel. Michawn. {Part 77 - December on Facebook, 2}

Been a while, I know.  Lots going on in real life here.  But...here I am again.

Some elaborations on some of the things I've posted on Facebook...

Dec. 12th -

Dec. 15th - 

So often when people demand that you 'keep peace,' what is really happening is that the side with the control and power is telling the side without the control and power to be quiet in order to keep the lopsided power structure in place. Telling the dissenter to keep quiet and keep the peace is always beneficial only to the party in power that calls all the shots. The one with power wants all the peace for themselves.                                            

                   

Dec. 15th - I posted these words with a link to this article, called "A New Era Of Peace-Making Feminists."

good stuff... 

~We need to dwell on the injustice we faced and continue to face due to our gender. We need to vent. We need to speak up, write out, cut our hair short, get a job, and whatever else. 

We need to distance ourselves from friends, family, churches, and really all environments or people that are not in support of the “new us.” WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! We need to shout it from the rooftops or steeples. 

Complementarianism has not had a good year and it is becoming increasingly clear that the theology is not fair, and perhaps even dangerous, towards girls and women. 

Further, more and more Christian men are standing up against complementarianism and opening up about the condescending pressure that they have felt to “man up” and change their personalities to fit a human-made *American* doctrine that is only about 25 years old.~

Dec. 15th - I posted these words with a link to this article (written by one of Billly Graham's grandsons), called "Rebuking the Abused in the Name of Jesus."

this is the truth. it happens over and over and over again. in churches, in counseling sessions, in friendships and families. i sadly know this from experience. please believe what this is saying...and work to turn the tide. 

~Rebuke was the method the disciples used in attempting to keep the children away from Jesus. To rebuke means to criticize sharply or to turn back or keep down. When church leaders, or anyone else for that matter, criticize, turn away, or keep down abuse survivors, they are attempting to keep these brave souls away from the unconditional love of Jesus. Though such rebuke takes various forms, it is often justified by piously placing greater value upon the work of the church or its leaders than those who have been abused and traumatized. I have stopped counting the number of times survivors have shared with me about how they were rebuked after stepping out of the shadows to disclose being abused. In fact, many have experienced what I would call a progression of rebuke. The progression usually begins with a gentle admonishment not to talk too much about it, coupled with a rationale that the admonishment is for the “well being” of the survivor. When a gentle admonishment fails to do the trick, the next step is often a strongly worded admonishment intended to intimidate the survivor into silence. If the strongly worded admonishment doesn’t work, the abuse survivor will often be criticized and shamed by those who demand their silence. When all else fails, leaders may attempt to marginalize or ostracize the survivor hoping they will simply walk away into a silent abyss. The few who survive this toxic process find themselves re-traumatized and faced with the realization that the church is not the place to see Jesus or experience his love. What a grave tragedy on so many levels. 

Sometimes the rebuking of those who have been abused is more subtle, but no less damaging. For example, it’s not uncommon for church members to rally around perpetrators who claim innocence or express a hollow repentance as the victim is ignored or even sometimes vilified. I remember being at a conference years ago where hundreds of child sexual abuse prosecutors were asked about their observations of pastors who came to court in a supportive role. Sadly, over two-thirds of the audience reported that pastors appeared in court to support perpetrators, not victims. This type of rebuke is illustrated by a friend of mine who was sexually abused as a child by a well-known member of her church. Years later and after much counseling, my friend took the brave step forward and reported these crimes to the police. The perpetrator was eventually charged and convicted. When my friend arrived at the courthouse for the sentencing hearing, the pastor of the church whom she had known for years was sitting with the family of the perpetrator and never said a word to her the entire time. In fact, he never even acknowledged her. My friend was devastated. She found herself being rebuked by her pastor’s public support of the person who had been the source of so much deep pain in her life.~

Dec. 17th - I wrote these words with a link to this article, called "Fatherhood is a Call to Advocacy for Women."

i think most fathers love their daughters. but sadly, i think that most see them as 'less than' males. less rational, less wise, less capable, less steady, less strong. they see them as 'more' of the things that make people untrustworthy...more driven by emotions, more demanding, more controlling, more manipulative. 

and these ways that they see their daughters (and women in general) don't have to be based on any concrete evidence from that individual themselves...it is just based simply upon the fact that they were born female. sometimes they don't even realize it's there...yet when put to the test, there those beliefs are. 

what can Christian fathers (husbands/brothers/sons/friends) do about this? first this treatment has to be seen and acknowledged. then prayerfully empathy will form...and then they will be moved beyond empathy into action. 

~My dad wasn’t always an advocate for gender equality. He didn’t necessarily oppose it. Like many Christian fathers, he was raised in a family where male leadership was assumed and gender roles were at least loosely observed. A father of three daughters, my dad has always believed that I am the equal of men. But until a few years ago, he hadn’t yet stepped into my shoes as a woman in a world where that often means less than. 

When I laid my broken heart for women before my dad, he began to see the world through the eyes of women. He became an advocate. He made gender equality his fight too. 

Now, he speaks up when someone makes a gender-based joke or assumption. He pushes back at theology that diminishes women’s humanity and ability. He is eager to talk about women’s experiences around the world. And he leverages his privilege and position on women’s behalf. 

Your daughter will fight for a voice where yours is exercised freely. She will be silenced where you are celebrated for speaking up. She will have to argue for her dignity and her humanity where yours is assumed. She will long for permission to lead and teach where your same gifts have been welcomed and sought after for centuries. She will seek what you already have: a seat at the table. 

Being a father means recognizing that your daughter was born into a world that undermines her dignity, and then intentionally doing something about it.~

Dec. 18th -

"The truth is that no one can keep you captive. No one can keep you unhappy. No one can keep you abused. Our lives rise to the level we accept. I do believe we can rise from the screaming blood of our losses, of extreme pain, physically debilitating emotion, psychological neglect, and apathy, and not merely survive, but thrive. We do not need to let our histories or our losses define us except in the way we choose. We can use them as fuel to create real depth, beauty, connectedness, and compassion in our lives. Our stories can make us exceptional people, not damaged ones. If we choose to be truthful with ourselves. And if we choose to digest and release the pain rather than avoid it." —Jewel

Dec. 18th -

i can't get this out of my head. i've posted this...but i'm posting it again. it's just so powerful. and so very true. 

it's the consistent 'little' 'harmless,' 'silly' 'jokes' that she mentions that actually make the real impact in our lives. most of us have seen that Christmas picture that got so much attention (the women with duct tape on their mouths). those seemingly harmless things in reality are the things that train us up and teach us about ourselves. that teach us *who we are.* 

for instance, joking around about women being nags or talking too much teaches little boys that they can dismiss women...and teaches little girls that they might not be listened to or respected when she does talk. 

it's all fun and games until it's you that is hurt by it...or your daughter. don't be confused...i'm not talking about physical or sexual violence here...although obviously that is a danger. but...we should always only build each other up...no more tearing down. even in 'silly' 'jokes.' ‪#‎letsturnthetide‬

Dec. 20th - These words with this image...

That Oscar Wilde quote that says that women are meant to be loved, not understood...that's such rubbish. People are people, y'all...whether you're a male or female. This is the quote that needs to take over. And we should all strive for this with the people in our lives. Thank you, Ellen.