Thursday, January 30, 2014

This Is a Miscarriage - Kids' Show & Tell

I had shown the kids on Tuesday (Grady-10, Hadley-almost 9, Eissa-7, and Cass-6 in March) the videos and pictures that I posted that night. So they had seen the videos and pictures already. But, I still had the remains of the birth and had promised them that I would show them (they had asked several times).  So I did that yesterday.  They are curious little human beings...and I'm never going to squelch that.  Curiosity is a good thing.  We just always have to steer it in the right direction.

As with Tuesday's post, this might not be for all.  I mean, you do typically see more blood than anything you've seen here on this blog in just 30 seconds of a CSI (or similar) show.  But, the fact remains here that...there is blood...a little. Blood is literally life-giving. So, I'm good with it. I don't enjoy touching blood of any sort that is not my own, or from my husband or children, without gloves. But, it doesn't gross me out to look at it (or even touch it if I have gloves). For some of you, it does. Therefore, again...I'm just warning you.   There's one picture especially that you might not want to view...the last one (if not, don't go past the icicles).  But, for those of you who may have found my blog and you're going through a miscarriage right now and wondering what to expect, I'm putting this picture there for you.  For anyone else, you might want to skip that one.

I feel a post about this coming on soon, but in the past couple of years, 'life' has not been kind to me. And it shows. I kept thinking that things would get better, but that doesn't seem to be happening, does it? So, I'll have to find a way, no matter what the opposition. Mama will get her mojo back and be fit and sassy again. And look her age or younger, :) (I've always looked younger I look older...just some telling evidence of what the past couple of years have been like for me). But, again...the 'hardness' of life shows (and don't try to be nice and tell me it doesn't...I know what's up). Therefore, I hate to even put these videos and pictures up.

But, just don't focus on that part. The other parts are important.

Some would say that they wouldn't ever expose their kids to these things. And those same people saying such things are the ones who probably also don't want to talk to their kids honestly about and 'expose' them to sex or the hard reality of marriage sometimes or abortion or slavery or any of the other hard topics in life. And I would say to you that you are missing it. You are wrong. Twice within the past 24 hours, my oldest has come to me saying, and I quote, "Can I talk with you, because I'm a little upset by something" and "I need to talk to you. I'm a little worried about..." The truth is that 10 year olds (and younger and older) already face hard topics every day. The sooner you are able to bring yourself to discuss these things with them, talk about things openly, *show* them hard things...the sooner your kids will trust you with anything. And the better prepared for life they will be.  My kids know that I will shirk at nothing.  If you're not wired that way naturally, if you're a skirker, let me advise you (yes, unsolicited're welcome) to fake it 'til you make it.  We all have to fake it to some extent anyway.  So, I say this lovingly:  Get over yourselves in this them be confident that you will prepare them for the hard things (and the amazing things) of life...and that you will not shirk when they come to you with those same things themselves.  For your kids' sake.  For the sake of your relationship with your children.  Truly.

Again, as with Tuesday's post, there will be no rude comments allowed. No comments that you might think are 'funny.' Cass did make me laugh in this...but she seriously was just being silly. She's at that age. I told her later that that was enough silly, to stop being silly, and just listen and learn...then she stopped with her silliness and got over there and started looking closely (the video was off at that point, but you can see the results in the pictures).

Alrighty...enough disclaimers. ;) As for what's going on with me today, I really thought I'd be pretty much done after Monday night.  Apparently not.  Tuesday and yesterday were pretty light days, just recovery.  But this afternoon/evening I started passing some more of what I think to be more placenta parts.  Also some blood clots.  And now I'm cramping  pretty good...even in my back.  Hopefully it will be over soon.

O.K., so here was our educational day yesterday which our sweet Baby #3 in heaven provided us with. I'd say it was a pretty good biology lesson. And a good, sweet goodbye for our kids.

The videos are first...


As you saw in the video, Hadley and Eissa were really curious...hands-on curious.
Eissa especially took her time, as you can see in these pictures.

She couldn't even look up for the picture.  ;)

I think it's very interesting too.  Glad they are so curious about it.
And so glad they got to examine it all.  After I 'delivered' on Monday
night, Hadley came in and was so upset she was outside when
it was all going on...she said, "I wish you had told me.  I wanted
to be here, remember?" She already had made plans with me and
made sure that she could be at the birth in August.  I reassured
her that it had been just like a birth, but it was a very altered birth,
as in much more painful and much less better she wasn't here. 
She was still upset, but she understood.  It will be great though, if I get the
chance to give birth again, so they can experience it.  They were
really looking forward to it.  Which is why they were so interested in this.
Still captivated.  Look at her little face.  She studied it for
a loooong time.  ;)  Love it.
We decided it'd be a neat thing to bury the remains
somewhere special, since we had something to bury
this time.  So we chose this special place where the kids
play.  Not only is it a great climbing tree and tire swing
tree, but it is also a very beautiful tree in all
the changing of the seasons.

We celebrate this wee one's life.  And now we will remember
all of our babes in heaven every time we look at our
gorgeous tree.
Joel went running later that day.  Ran out at the lake.  This is our dock.
He took a picture of it and I just thought I'd end with this picture.
It's just pretty, and refreshing, and cool.  Enjoy.

(now, below...another educational picture for anyone who
is interested in more miscarriage details {blood alert...the most
alarming picture to date, and I almost didn't even post it, but I
want to give people the true story about what
to expect if they find themselves in this situation}...and how it's still
playing out; this just happened this evening and I wasn't even going to
add this in, but decided it is noteworthy...esp. for the ladies
trying to get information about what might happen
to them in their I wanted to share.)

I've mentioned before on this blog (years ago...around 2008 to be
exact) how there are things after birth that people usually don't prepare
you for.  One of those things for me was the blood clots that you
pass after birth (up to plum size...and it's normal to do that for the
first few days after birth).  So, I always like to prepare people for birth,
yes...but also for all the things that happen after birth.  Well, this happens
during and after miscarriage.  I really thought I'd be pretty much done
after Monday night.  Apparently not.  Tuesday and yesterday were pretty light
days, just recovery.  But this afternoon/evening I started passing some
more of this...what I think to be more placenta parts.  Also some blood clots.
And now I'm cramping  pretty good...even in my back.  Hopefully it will be
over soon.  But,  I just wanted to *show* you what you can expect and
what is normal.  This is normal.

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