Friday, June 26, 2009

Jon and Kate

**Scroll down if you haven't read about Grady's soccer yet.

O.K., so I've been sitting on this post for a while now. I obviously do not know these people personally. And, I'm not a watcher of the show. I've only seen a complete show once I think, and then just bits and pieces here and there over the years (when I was at my mom's...she has DirecTV and we never did).

The things of God are just so simple, aren't they? God's principles, if you truly know them and follow them, lead to success. Will you never have hard times? Will you never get sick? Will you never get sad or walk through difficulties? No to all of those. But, they just work, plain and simple.

Joel and I try to go through a marriage enrichment thingy (for lack of a better term :) ) every so often. Right now, we are slowly making our way through a study called Love & Respect. We have the book and we also have the actual seminar on DVD. It basically talks about how the most important thing to a woman...the best way to really take care of her and nurture her and to show her love...she must feel loved. Love love love. Be tender with her, affectionate, buffer her from the cares of this world...but, however you can show her love the best (or rather, however she prefers to be shown love), do it. Love. For a man, the thing that he most desires is respect...he must feel respect. Show him admiration, praise him for the work he does, thank him for how he takes care of you...however you can show him respect the best (or rather, however he prefers to be shown respect), do it. Respect.

The very first time I turned the channel to find this show about a couple with twins and sextuplets, I had to change the channel after about 5 minutes. Kate was such a complete bitty that I just couldn't stand to watch it. She spoke with such disrespect to her husband. Was she stressed? I'm sure she was. Is that an excuse? No,'s not. Was Jon doing his part...was he being the husband he was supposed to be? Maybe not. But, is that an excuse? Nope,'s not.

Poor Kate. I really and truly feel for her. She obviously did not/does not know this biblical principle. Truly...I feel so bad for her. Was her mother that way...disrespectful to her father? Was her mother subservient to her father and she swung the pendulum? Whatever the case, I have gathered (from one of the bits and pieces) that she and her parents aren't close and/or that they cause her more stress. The point is that if this wasn't modeled for her, she would've needed to learn this principle on her own. And she never did.

And Jon. Jon was the one that was disrespected, over and over and over front of millions no less. But, he was also ignorant of important biblical principles. Was Kate being loved like Christ loved the church and gave His life for it? You can serve and lay your life down for your wife and still be the strong head of the home. It seems like two they contradict each other. But, that's the way God's principles seem foolishness to the it could never work, but it does...and it works the best. Some never master this though, and it makes for difficulties for sure.

I read a blip about them today and watched the clip of their announcement show. Kate said that Jon has a lot of anger towards her, but won't discuss it with her. Sounds familiar. We all know situations like that one. It's amazing that she's surprised by this. Years and years of taking her criticism and disrespect...that'll do it.

And Jon...too bad he just took it all these years. And, fine...he has a reason to be upset and downright pissed off to be quite honest. But,, be a man and forgive, lay down your life (and your pride) for your wife, love her like Christ loved the church, and start to do the leading...if she is being loved the right way, she will follow. Do you really think that separating is the manly thing to do? Do you really think that completely and totally wrecking your family's life, your children's lives, is the right/Godly thing to do?!? Maybe you don't care about what's Godly...if not, therein lies the problem.

Jon says, "Our kids are still my number one priority. I love them and want to make sure they stay happy, healthy and safe. My job is being the best, most supportive and loving father that I can be to my kids, and not being married to Kate doesn’t change that." Really?!? Really, Jon?!? No, actually, that changes EVERYTHING!! If you want to be the loving father that you claim to want to be, then don't give up. A loving father does whatever it takes to keep his family together. If you don't do whatever it takes, then that loving father bit is just a crock of hoo hoo...and you know it.

Truly, another point is that if their children are number one to them, if they are priority over their spouse, another problem. Jon and Kate were there before the children. Jon and Kate need to still be able to be Jon and Kate, minus the 8. But, if they truly did all that they do for their children, separation/divorce would not even be words uttered out of their mouths. Are you kidding me? You can try to sell yourself the 'it's better for the kids if we aren't married' line all you want, but it isn't true. It's better for your children to fix your relationship with God so that He can fix your marriage! I cannot stress that enough. Do not believe the lies of the world and the enemy. Divorce is almost never better for the children (the exception being certain rare cases of physical or emotional abuse, but those comprise a very small percentage of divorces and even in those cases, believe it of not, divorce isn't always the answer).

A friend of mine once made the statement that ALL divorce is because of selfishness. At the time I didn't agree with him...what about adultery, what about betrayal of some other sort, what about 'growing apart,' etc. etc. etc.? But, how blind I was then...looking at the surface issues when the heart issue was what it was all about. And when there is divorce, the heart has always revealed selfishness. Pure, disgusting, life-shattering selfishness.

Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. --Ephesians 5:33

Why aren't the wives commanded to love? Because it just comes naturally for a woman to love...that's who we are. That's why we had to be commanded to respect. It's not what we think about. We think we only need to love. If we love, everything will be fine. Not the case. Why is the husband commanded to love? Because it doesn't come as naturally...not to the extent that a woman needs it. Does a man need to feel loved? Of course. Does a woman need to feel respect? Again, of course. But, the primary need of a man is respect...and of a woman is love.

And if you want a man to feel loved by you, show him respect. Tell him how much you admire him, how much you are in awe of all that he does and how he cares for you and the kiddos. See if you don't get a big beaming smile and some loving from him for that.

Many blame the show for Jon and Kate's demise...too much spotlight, too much pressure. Yeah, of course that contributes to the stress of an already not so healthy relationship. But, if these principles were already in place, if they were living out the principles of the God who they apparently claim to follow (from what I hear...saw criticism from non-Christians on a review of their book saying that they claimed Christianity, but that they thought it was only a ploy to get more sales since they'd never known it from watching their show), it wouldn't matter if they were on a show or not. Or, can you imagine if they were touched by the almighty power of God and turned around...turned from their selfishness...truly sought out God's answers for their marriage and family...what a witness that would be.

Truly, I could care less if they continue their show or not, but I do care about their marriage. I do care about their sweet, precious, innocent kids who do not deserve this at all. I've seen what divorces can do to families. I've lived what divorce can do to families. They don't deserve it.


DyessFam said...

Here, here! And a big AMEN! We were blessed to be able to borrow the Love and Respect audio cd from our sister and man was it soooooo good! Im going to get a copy for our "library" so I can listen to it again often. Seems I need constant reminding;) If you are interested Bob Coy who is the pastor of Calvary Chapel in Ft. Laderdale does a wonderful series on marriage and they are me some podcasts! Here's the link:

Melissa said...

Great post! I never watched their show, but its funny that anytime ANYONE talks about it that's the first thing they say..."I love the show but Kate is SOOOO mean and disrespectful to Jon!" Another sad example of 'Christianity' for the world who is watching...

Connie said...

I second that! Once, at a SUNDAY SCHOOL ladies night (long time ago) we got on the topic of Jon and Kate.

I, too, have only seen the show maybe twice and immediately was disgusted by HER. THAT WOMAN. But the girls were all like...we LOVE that show! Kate is the BEST.

What? I almost fell out of my chair. I said what I thought about the show and her and their mouths literally dropped open in shock and dismay. It almost led to an all out cat fight. Crazy!

All this to say, that not only is/was Kate that way to her husband, she has displayed in a very public way that behavior to MANY women who may (Heaven forbid) look to her as the right way.

That is so sad.

And Jon, yes, MAN UP. He should have played a role in reigning her in, not letting her run around with a whip.

What a messed up messy mess. And those kids DO deserve better. The show needs to be canceled. The network who so lovingly encouraged all of this crap needs to now provide them with the help they need to restore their family.

Sounds weird but we DO need to pray for them. Strangers as they may be.

Good post.

on an adventure said...

Glad you posted this. I never saw it either, and everyone I know says Kate was really rude to Jon. That disrespect thing according to God's command will definitely hurt a man. But anyway, glad you posted it. Been so disturbed by divorce when Christians choose it. Ugh. It's just so painful, and I'm not even the one experiencing it. So against God's plan. And that is painful...always is.

Us said...

It makes you mad too? I couldmn't even put my words out right but you did an excellent job saying what I feel. VERY true...divrce is flat out wrong. It makes me mad!!!! I have been praying for the whole situation. Very sad for all 10 of them.

Ronnie and Leah said...

Michawn, while I'll admit I did not read your entire post (word girl), I absolutely agree.

I have a friend who was recently divorced, and she was quite the dominant figure in the marriage. After only 7 years, he left her. He said when she was finally willing to work on the marriage, he was tired of trying.

What a crock! Anyway, we are still believing with her for the resurrection of her marriage. She has really been devoting herself to God this last year and a half, and I admire her so much for keeping the faith.

Did you know that Kate Goslin was at the Women's Conference in Houston hosted by the local Christian Radio Station this past year? Craziness!

I've never watched their show because I found their life so chaotic. Just another worldly excuse for why we should limit having children. Ridiculous how the enemy can come in and destroy all that God calls holy!

Kristen said...

Hey Michawn! I've been reading your blog for a long time now, I just never commented till now. Your kids are so beautiful..I love reading about what they are up to. I also love the way you write out your feelings with such's refreshing! I agree with you about Jon and Kate. The way she talked to him always drove me crazy, and stopped me from watching the show. This whole thing with them has made me really sad, and I pray that the Lord will get their attention and that they will seek godly counsel to turn things around. It's all such a mess, but God can do anything.
Anyway...Eriik says hi! Talk to you later.

Matt and Meredith said...

Great post. Don't watch it much either but it breaks my heart. We'll have to keep praying for them and living out unselfish marriages. I've been learning about that as well....the not being selfish or prideful thing. Challenging but so good.