So, I want to be totally real with you people on this blog. Keeping that in mind, please don’t think that I am a negative person or anything. I just want to be honest about what is going on…what I’m thinking, what I’m going through. That being said, let me get to the real post…
We are all (sort of) settled into the house we will be living in for the next year. Things have slowed down significantly. For that I am grateful. But, at the same time, that brings reality. Ahh…good ole reality. :) Here is my reality: I know that God has called us here. I am very, very happy to be here. I feel privileged and honored to have been entrusted with this call on our lives. I am very, very excited to see where God takes us and what He does with us…so excited. I love that my children will grow up in a different culture and have some really great experiences. Now, all that being said, here is what could be taken as negative…
It’s hard. It is stinkin’ hard. Lest you get the wrong idea, I’m not depressed, I’m not emotional or crying all the time, etc. But, let me tell you…this is hard.
Let me tell you what is hard. I have to try to figure out how to live in this country and be as much a part of it, “be” Brazilian, as I can. A question that is continually running through my mind…”How do I do that?” I was sharing with someone this morning that I think if I was only here for a 2 yr. stint or something, it wouldn’t be such a transition. But, man is this an adjustment. As far as I know, this is home for the rest of my life. And I have to make it just that…home. The hard part is that so much of me doesn't want to. I know that I must...that's not a question. But, calling somewhere else home other than Saline, LA or Longview, TX or anywhere in the states for that matter...hard to do. It's hard giving up the American in me and conforming to Brazilian. Yeah, I know…more dying to self. Sheesh. I’m tired of that. :) Just kidding. It is hard though. Some examples of how this translates into everyday life:
1. All the little boys here wear Speedos…does Grady wear a Speedo so that he can fit in better, or does he stand out like a sore thumb little American and wear trunks? (gosh, I hate Speedos)
2. All the little girls here get their ears pierced when they are babies…do we go ahead and pierce our girls’ ears?
3. Homeschooling is practically unheard of here. Besides that, it would be so American and so American missionary of me to homeschool our children. But, that is truly my heart’s desire. It wasn’t always that way, but now that’s truly what I would love to do. But, now I’m wondering if that’s truly what I’m supposed to do. Would our kids still be able to fit in, relate to the little Brazilian kids, speak Portuguese well with little accent if we homeschooled?
I guess those are the top 3 I can think of immediately. The other things just come up in the little details of living everyday life. The top 2 might not seem that important, and are in fact just superficial at first glance. But, the issue goes much deeper…to what extent do we go to make this home, to fit in? Some may say that you don’t have to give up who you are and the things you want to live here. True. But, you do if you want to be effective and if you want to be able to relate. As much as I hate to “give up” my home, my culture, my traditions, my customs, my habits…well, what outweighs that is that I would absolutely hate to live here my whole life and feel like a total foreigner the whole time. So, those things must be given up. That’s the hard part, esp. right now. I don’t have any memories here, no special things to do, etc. I miss things like going to Granny’s, going to the little library in Saline and then meeting up with people at the MunchBox for lunch, going to church on Sunday mornings and then going out to eat with people at Papacita's in Longview, etc.
Those things will come in time I know. God is faithful and will provide special things here. It will take time for me to learn the culture and the language, meet people (and actually be able to communicate with them), figure out how to mix the things that I already love with the new things that I will come to love. In time I will probably be easily able to answer those 3 questions (and many more) that I listed earlier. And, hopefully within time I will be so a part of these people that wearing a Speedo won’t be gross or weird (O.K., that might be pushing it) and the whole homeschooling question will be made clear. But, just to let you in on a little bit of what people who move to another country to live go through, I thought I would post this. It is a difficult transition. You have to learn to do all new things and in a way be a whole different person (not at the core, but surely you know what I mean).
It’s funny. I can’t remember if I wrote before about what Grady said the other day. He was saying that he liked it here, “but just for a little bit. Then I want to go back to my house so I can do what I do.” So I can do what I do. It just came to me what I think he meant. I can totally relate. I’m not “doing what I do” here. The things we used to do are no longer. I don’t mean to be extreme…some things we do the same and of course we’ve kept the same basic routine for the kids. But, it’s a whole new life. For that I’m excited. For that I’m also sad.
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11 comments:
I would think the adjustment would be really hard. Thanks for being so honest and open. But I don't think it is possible for you to change so much that you would be like a local. I mean that would be going against 30+ years of what you have learned. I think you will grow so much from living there and your kids will be blessed with an understanding that US kids don't have. But you will always be Michawn and grossed out with speedos!
I feel for you, Michawn! I've been to Brasil, so I understand the differences. I can't even begin to fully understand what you are going through, but I do get the gist of it. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for you. I loved being in Brasil and experiencing the different culture, but I couldn't imagine giving up everything that I was familiar with. I'll be praying for you!
One GREAT thing about this transition is that soon your children will forget the U.S. and they will think of Brasil and it's culture as home. Then when you come "Home" for a visit, they will be anxious to get back to what they know and love as home. Their excitement will make it easier for you to return! This to shall pass, God will give you what you need to make it through this hard time. Just know that there are SO many people thinking of you and praying for you, even ones you don't know or wouldn't expect:)
I have been in the U.S. for almost 10 years now and I still feel like a foreigner and I actually don't mind it anymore. I like that I am different and yet not too different :) My adjustments have not been of amenities and comfortability since the U.S. is a very comfortable country to live in, but it has been more relational issues and this has been huge for me. I miss my people so much and my family and mostly how different we relate to each other. I sometimes feel so very lonely because the way that I want or think of friendship is so different from the way people relate here in the u.s. Another thing is that when I go home after having lived here 10 years I feel like I do not belong there either and it is hard, especially the first couple of days/weeks arriving in either of those places. I feel like I do not belong in either place, but I am comforted in knowing that heaven is my permanent home. One thing I am very thankful for is having lived in two totally different countries. I have learned to keep those things that are dear to me about each culture and anything that I do not like or don't agree with I try to adapt from the other culture. It has been a great and wonderful learning experience. It is hard and I understand...somewhat of course.
Love you and we continue to pray for you!
What I want to know is... Will Joel be wearing a SPEEDO???!! :)
Matty
Michawn,The Lord give you grace for just today, one day at a time. Ken and I felt exactly like Lidia expressed so well. Let Grady wear decent swimwear, don't pierce your girls ears until the children ask to be 'like the others'. By then you'll have adjusted more and it won't be such a big deal as it would be to do it now. Everyone knows you're American and as you learn to communicate and make friends they will love you and accept you for who you are and love you for moving to brasil and learning their language. Home school the children, give them a good base in English. By the time they are 5 or 6 years old and ready to go (or ask to go to school like their friends) they will quickly adapt to Portuguese. Everyone will understand how important it is for your children to get a good base in english b/c "they need to be able to communicate to the grandparents who don"t speak portugese." Does any one call you by your name? Perhaps they are saying what they said about my name which was very hard for them to pronounce till I finally began using my full name which I didn't like but they could easily pronounce b/c it ended in a vowel. If you get tired of people not using your name or being called 'irma' (sister in
christ)consider adapting it so they can say it or using your middle name if you see the need.
It isn't easy making a whole new set of friends, learning a new language it just takes time as you know, so just take one day at a time. He'll give you peace and strength and joy for today, just today.
I was just reading your prayer requests before reading this and thought about my move and how I'm waiting to get plugged into a church that I speak the same language! Joel was online one night that you were in the shower and we were talking about how you have to learn the language first. wow... I can only imagine what you maybe feeling and thinking. I know you know that God will show you in time and all of this is a process to walking a new way and changing into who God can use... I also know that the parts of you that God put in your heart, esp. for your kids, He will make it clear how to do it His way, neither American nor Brazilian. I love you my friend. Thanks for being real and know that we all love you and are praying with you... even if your son does wear speedos. :) Actually a guy friend said to me recently that if he lived in Europe he'd have no problem with wearing them... just because that's what was acceptable there. I'm still not for seeing a grown man in a thong speedo for crying out loud (yep that's my East Texas coming out) but culture is culture. God will show you and adapt you and your family.
Enna
Michawn, I hope you don't mind me sharing a little more :) I just had a couple more thoughts that might be helpful. One is that when I was a national living in my country and when foreigners would come to stay and live or visit, we were happy and intrigued by them and we wanted them to share about their culture and we wanted to get to know them. I even remember my parents a couple of times making a Thanksgiving dinner for some of our American teachers even though we didn't celebrate that holiday nor knew exactly what they served besides turkey :) It was NOT a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, but our teachers were so thrilled that us nationals would want to celebrate that holiday with them. We never expected them to be like us but it was even better when they did want to learn about us or from us and try our food and be adventurous. There were only a couple things that we were thrown off by. One was pride and the other was the desire for them to change us. Pride in things like, "I could never try THAT or do that" or "you guys are doing things totally wrong" or people who were just not the least bit interested in our culture or in relationships with us. I know you are NOT like this at all and so you will do great!
Another point is how neat it has been how the Lord has used those things that have been hard to adjust to(like relationships) to draw me closer to Him and to deepen my relationship with Him. It truly has been amazing and for that I am so thankful. I am sorry if I am opening my mouth too much! :)
Thanks for all of the encouragment everyone. And thanks for caring and praying, even the ones I don't know that well and wouldn't expect (Amber). :) It is true...He will give me grace and eventually it will all come naturally what I'm supposed to do in every circumstance. Just wanted to be honest in where I am right now and in what I'm thinking. I think that's important. Good for me and good for y'all. I welcome any other comments. And no...Joel will not be putting on a Speedo. :)
I was at the beach last week and spotted a rather large man jogging in NOTHING BUT a speedo. At that moment, I wished I was in a different country.
Thank you for your complete honesty, Michawn! Nothing fake, glamorous, or over-spiritualized. Nitty-gritty truth (just like Jesus) and one of the things I love most about you!!
Miss you!
Crystal
Aww..Michawn!! This post made me want to give you a big hug! I was sharing about it with John and so we prayed for you guys. I know you were so made for this (and I always told you so!!) and I know God has such amazing plans for your family there. I just wish I could make up some brownie mix and come over with the spoons and two bowls!!:)
Let's set up a date and make the mix and talk...just think we wont even have to share!! :)
I love you dearly and am praying for you.
PS..John's first question was the same as Matt's...will Joel wear one??
This is, Kay, Auny's sister. She told me I should read this, and let me tell you, I can relate. We have been in Peru for a little less than three weeks and like you, this could be the rest of our lives. Wow, so many feelings have taken me by surprise. I just wish I had a weekend to go back home and get some relief from all of the changes. It is amazing how much weaker I am than I thought I was. I feel consumed with myself and what I want, knowing that I didn't come here to serve myself. I just keep telling myself that time will help everything and the Lord will make this a home for me. Thanks for the encouragement of knowing other people feel the same way. :)
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