Joel. Michawn. {Post 65 - September on Facebook, 2}

Sept. 21st:

in a church culture that would rather not know 'the real you' with your 'real problems'...that would rather just hold on to their *perceptions* of you instead of knowing truth and being bothered with anything other than rosy things... 

the 'sinners' so often have it right. may the church truly learn from them.

Sept. 22nd:

~If a husband tells a wife that she is "equal in worth," but demands that he has the final say on important matters and claims that his opinion/authority holds heavier weight than hers in the family unit, then is she really equal in worth?~
--Jory Micah 

(hint: the answer is no)

I got some interesting comments on this one.  So, I'm going to share those here.  It just shows how conditioned us women are at using other methods (other than truth and honesty) to be heard, and even 'get our way' as she put it):

          Jory Micah:   I like your hint! 

          Unlike · Reply · 1 · September 22, 2015 at 7:28pm

          Commenter #1:  Why can't we be different? Different gender, different color, different culture. How about we           listen to each other and compromise? Use your intelligence. Your suggestion was his in the first place. Also             works with co-workers, students, children and bosses.

          Like · Reply · September 22, 2015 at 9:07pm

Michawn Madden Ebersole  is this comment on the correct status post?

Like · Reply · 2 · September 22, 2015 at 9:10pm

Commenter # JS instead of complaining, use your intelligence. I get my students, even my bosses at times to see my side by getting them to think that it was their idea. If you don't like what I just said I'm sure you will delete it smile emoticon. Just sometimes easier to do things the back door way. smile emoticon

Like · Reply · September 22, 2015 at 9:12pm

Michawn Madden Ebersole smile emoticon interesting that you see this as 'complaining.' because the truth is that *this* is using my intelligence...to point out a horrible, rampant, destructive theology that is taught within our churches and culture. i'm not interested in using a 'back door.' i shouldn't have to. ESPECIALLY within a marriage relationship. that is just another way of using 'manipulation'...which is just as bad. i prefer truthful, in-the-light ways. like...being true equals.

Like · Reply · 2 · September 22, 2015 at 9:21pm

Michawn Madden Ebersole p.s. there's a big difference between 'equal' and 'same.'

Like · Reply · 2 · September 22, 2015 at 9:23pm

Commenter #1:  You want to be right or do you want to be happy? Pick your battles. And this comes from someone who knew you growing up. This comes from someone who went through a divorce ( more horrible than you know). This comes from someone who raised three children by herself for ten years. You can't have it all the way you think it should be. Just ask me.

Like · Reply · September 22, 2015 at 9:24pm

Commenter #2:  Back door is manipulation! Just saying…

Unlike · Reply · 2 · September 22, 2015 at 9:24pm

Commenter #1:  None of us are equal.

Like · Reply · September 22, 2015 at 9:24pm

Michawn Madden Ebersole  i completely disagree with your last comment. and, i want to live a right *life.* being on the right *path.* i'm not going to 'pick my battles' when it involves having to choose between being on the right path or wrong path. there are right ways of doing things (Godly, righteous, Bible-based ways)...there are right belief systems. and that is what this is about. not 'trying to get my way.'

Like · Reply · 2 · September 22, 2015 at 9:29pm

Commenter #1:  There's more than you to think about. I might have done things differently back when I had that choice. Be still. Think. Try everything. And anything. Forget about these people on Facebook and your blog. Remember who matters most. Here's a hint.... It's not your husband or you. It's who you BOTH made.

Like · Reply · September 22, 2015 at 9:34pm

Write a reply...

Michawn Madden Ebersole another p.s.: this wasn't directed at my husband or about him...or me trying to get my way with him. this way of thinking for him was purged out of him (praise God) with our week-long intensive counseling session. but, it definitely remains in the church as a whole...it permeates God's people. and it is very, very destructive. it is killing marriage after marriage...it almost destroyed mine. and it's turning people into manipulators instead of truth-tellers.

Like · Reply · 3 · September 22, 2015 at 9:34pm · Edited

Michawn Madden Ebersole  first of all, read the above comment...again, this, thankfully, isn't my situation anymore. but...

really? who do you think i've been thinking about this whole time...for all of these years? guess what...that is WHY i would NEVER turn into a manipulator just to stay married. thank God i could stay a truth-teller and stay married (thank God we actually found a WISE man to counsel us finally). otherwise, i would be divorced. because i will *not* set an example of manipulation for my kids...that does just as much (or more) damage than divorce. that is something i know.

Like · Reply · 3 · September 22, 2015 at 10:23pm · Edited

Commenter #1:  So happy for you. You just sound so not happy. Couldn't tell.

Like · Reply · September 22, 2015 at 9:41pm

Michawn Madden Ebersole crazy. you must not really read my posts if you think i sound 'so not happy.' i post things that are happy and carefree. i also post things that are more serious and point out crappy things about the church/world. posting about important issues doesn't = 'not happy.' interesting.

Like · Reply · 4 · September 22, 2015 at 9:44pm

Commenter #1:  Happy for you smile emoticon

Like · Reply · September 22, 2015 at 9:48pm

Commenter #3:  As iron sharpens iron could probably be your mantra, Michawn Madden Ebersole! Personally I love it because I don't really have a filter AT ALL! I get that it isn't everyone's cup of tea and it is more fun to read between the lines and invent than take things at face value in our hyper sensitized world, but spoken or not TRUTH is TRUTH! I don't want rocks and stones doing the job I should be doing. Sometimes the greatest love there is is speaking the truth in love, sanding down those rough spots, and getting to the heart of a matter! After all, the me Jesus died for is the real me, not the glossed over version that others are comfortable with. smile emoticon love ya!

Unlike · Reply · 2 · September 22, 2015 at 10:54pm

Michawn Madden Ebersole Love you, girl! 

Like · Reply · 2 · September 23, 2015 at 12:29am · Edited

Jory Micah:  Since I wrote this post I can say that it has nothing to do with "happy or unhappy," but rather an academic/theological challenge.

Unlike · Reply · 2 · September 23, 2015 at 8:01am

       Commenter #4:  Michawn Madden Ebersole I agree! I have never been able to manipulate...& I don't understand why          someone would want to manipulate. There should be equality in marriage in decisions, discussions...,. I can not stand        to be treated like a child, why would I want to act like a child (manipulation)?

That is also the discussion that brought about probably my favorite comment ever.  A meme made just for me by a college friend of mine.  Hahaha.  He (my friend) cracks me up!!

OMG, seriously...one of my favorites.  Especially after all the backlash and pushback I have gotten in the past few years.  My friend who made this is very smart, very funny, keeps it real, has an egalitarian viewpoint, and has had my back a few times in the past year (which, I cannot tell you just how much that means to me)...not because we are super tight (no, most of my 'super tight' friends and family members have gone), but just because he is able to see wrong when it rears its ugly head and isn't afraid to jump in and speak up and defend a friend, always in the most intelligent, loving way.  He also always knows just when to step in and break the ice too...with a funny something or other like this.  Hilarious.  I might have to make it my profile picture one day.  LOL.