Season of Lent. It's proven to be life-changing both last year and this year. But, in very different ways. This year it was completely 'disrupted' for a time. Monday I started back. Turns out, I'm not doing all the things that I'd planned to do...with the disruption, some of those things were just culled out...just happened that way, naturally. But, Lent fell at a perfect timing this year to coincide with some major stuff in our own lives.
It's so important to remain in constant submission to God, to align yourself constantly with the Holy Spirit and with God's will over your life. To do that, you have to die. Dying is just not a fun process...physically, spiritually, any way you look at it. The other side of that dying is peaceful, but the dying process is so painful.
We're walking through some painful times right now. And I'm not even talking about the issue of the kids. I still think of them all the time, and I grieve. But, the dying process itself is over. Peace has been found on the other side.
If you are friends with me on Facebook, a couple of months ago you may have seen that I said something about how nothing was coming together, everything was going wrong, etc. Those issues are still going on. We still have no answers. And it's crunch time. Answers need to come.
More specifically, this involves our trip to the United States. And it's not just one factor, it's many factors put together that just. aren't. coming together. It's more than just financial. Basically, most of the factors that need to come together aren't coming together. There is nothing...NOTHING...I want more than to get on a plane to 'home.' NOTHING. I dream about it, I think about it, I've made plans in my head of everything that we'll be doing in the next few months. Don't get me wrong...life here is good. But, a trip home is always very much looked forward to, like nothing else. My kids are SOOOOO excited to go too and talk about it all the time, making their own plans..."When we go to the United States..." But...it's just not happening.
If we could put off this trip, that would be an option. But, there are specific dates that we were hoping and planning to be back for...for instance, my little brother gets married in August. It's not 'just a trip.' But again...it's just not coming together.
What does that mean? Does that mean that God is calling us to die to that? Does He have other plans for us? Or, does it mean that we just need to have faith and plan for the things 'yet unseen?' What do we need to change about ourselves...our actions, our attitudes, our thoughts...in order for God's plan to go forth, whatever that may be? What is God's answer to all these questions in our hearts and in our circumstances?
Joel and I had an extensive conversation this morning. It involved tears from us both...we are both just at the end of ourselves about this (of course, the exact place we need to be). It reminds me of the Saturday night of our visit with the kids where we were both just desperate for an answer, crying and crying out to God. We find ourselves now in that same spot. Again, it's not 'just a trip'...it involves our future in many ways.
So, just like so many of you were praying for God's answers to come to us about the kids, please pray with us now for God's answers to come to us concerning our next few months, our next steps. Conversation about our options and feelings at this point has ranged from us just staying here and not taking the trip to the states to us leaving missions for a time. The latter is highly unlikely in my humble opinion (so family, don't get your hopes up). But, the point is that something isn't right...things are not lining up. And it's even come to those kinds of discussions. When I say that we are in a very serious time right now, I mean it.
Change is in the air. Change must come just based on our circumstances (housing, etc.), but even more change than that is in the air. It's crunch time. And we will be engaging ourselves in some desperate prayer sessions. So, please join us. Interceed on our behalf if you can. We would definitely appreciate it. Thank you!