It's been a week of processing. There are so many things that are so confusing about people. But, here's what I know with 100% certainty.
-I was the perfect partner for Joel.
-I was the love of his life (I've said this for years; so has he).
-He was taught to be unfeeling, heartless, without empathy, like a robot.
-He was taught that he was entitled...that a woman should only just follow him and if she challenged him, she was trying to usurp authority.
-He was taught to believe these things, be loyal to these things that he's been taught by his family of origin, and be loyal to that family of origin above all else.
-He has learning disabilities (this is a real thing...he was diagnosed as a child); I see this as more and more an issue in his life (which he denies and tries to hide, which makes it even more of a problem).
-He wasn't willing to go against his family of origin to get the help he needed and make the changes that needed to be made to save his relationships with his wife and children.
-He will always be looking for me in other women.
-What he told the kids just a few months ago, that nobody will ever measure up to me, is true.
-I feel bad for him. I feel bad for these women who will never be able to be his perfect partner the way I was.
-I feel bad for us...me and his children, left in the ruins. We were the best things for him, his biggest fans...and he threw us away.
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