The next post (after this one) is something that was always 'in the line-up' of posts. I just didn't know exactly when I was going to post it. It was always in the line-up because it is important information and it is important to our story...and it is a part of some of the things that we've learned about ourselves through all of this. During this little 'breather' is a great time to post it. It will also inform you as to some of the whys of what we do and how/who we are...which will hopefully be helpful in reading the rest of this series. It's interesting stuff.
This post was never in the line-up. Ha. Had no idea this post was going to even exist. But, here we are.
Last weekend was interesting. It was difficult. It was heavy. It was sad.
But, it was also...lots of great things.
I rarely rarely use the word 'blessed.' I'm not downing you if you do...it's just not a word that is for me usually. I just have a hard time with it. Most people use that word when something good happens to them. But, are we not still blessed when that good thing doesn't happen? When that job promotion doesn't come through...when that hopefully positive pregnancy test comes back negative, etc. etc. So often the way people use that word is when something they were hoping for comes about. But what if it doesn't come about? Are you still blessed?
Or, they use that word in place of 'lucky.' Because using the word lucky is, you know, 'not Christian.' :) So they use 'blessed.' Except, sometimes 1) ain't nothin' but luck that got you whatever you are talking about, and 2) using the word 'blessed' about something that someone else wasn't 'blessed' with doesn't make them any less blessed. You see my difficulty with this word. I just don't like it. I think it's over-used. And lots of times about just silly things too. "I got the new purse I wanted. #blessed" Um, ok. I didn't get the new purse I wanted. #notblessed?
Clearly it's a pet peeve. lol.
There are the rare times that I find it appropriate. And then I will use it. But, mostly I steer clear of both 'blessed' and 'lucky' (although I'd definitely be more likely to use 'lucky'), and instead I use 'fortunate.' It conveys the same idea, isn't so limited or offensive (to the ones left without whatever makes you 'blessed'), and it passes with the 'Christian words' police.
I do use, though, the word 'blessings.' Because everyone can come up with a list of blessings. I don't use it when talking about my blessings that you don't have...for instance when talking to my friend who has sick kids all the time, 'yes, my kids hardly ever get sick...it's just such a blessing.' See? Instead I say, 'We're so fortunate.' But, I do use it when something bad or tough or trying has happened and great things that were completely unexpected come out of it...things that really take you by surprise. You know...blessings in disguise.
Cue last weekend. And hence, this title.
There are three main things that came out of last weekend.
Firstly, I think that, unfortunately for some, it really brought some things out into the light. I've sometimes wondered if you reading this blog might think to yourself...'Is she telling the truth here? Surely it wasn't that bad.' I think that what happened last weekend, at the very least, showed you a tiny bit of what has been coming against me for the past few years...the mindsets, the attitudes, the accusations, the...non-supportiveness (to put it super lightly). The truth is that I'm still protecting. There are still some things that I have left out of these stories (and even my last post) in order to protect. But yes...some truth was shown last weekend.
Secondly, there were some things that I needed to talk about here, but I didn't know how I was going to talk about them without letting some things be made known. Unfortunately, by letting those things be made known, it would be hard to protect the people I was trying to protect. Yet, how on earth was I going to tell that part of our story or make that very important point without telling those things? Fortunately for me, those things were all outed last weekend...and I didn't even have to do it. Now those things that I wasn't sure how I was going to talk about...now all of those things have been made known...so I'm free to talk about it now. And I didn't even have to 'lift a finger.' It was all just laid in my lap. #blessed Hahaha...kidding. But, it's one less worry for me...and for that I'm grateful.
And last, but certainly not least...as I put in my last comment there on Facebook:
i am, honestly, just overwhelmed today, and a little speechless...with the love and support shown to us here. we suspected that people were behind us and hoped that people could see the heart behind our telling our story...and that people felt some of the things that you guys have expressed here. but, you've really just blown us away. and after the past few years, your words and love and support just mean more than you'll ever know. thank you thank you.It's true. While a few of you had commented or 'liked' something that I would post, and I'd also heard from a few of you privately, I didn't really have a very good feel of how the blog was being taken. I just didn't know. I had no idea as to who was reading...if very many were reading...what people were thinking about it...if there were many that were finding it to be interesting and needed. I just had to trust that it was the right thing to do...and I did. It literally provides healing for me. And I believed that it could for others too. I already knew that it had for some. But, after something came against me, I was soooo overwhelmed with gratefulness at just how many of you commented going to bat for me and us, and the many others of you who reached out to me in other ways to check on me and make sure I was alright. And...for the many of you who encouraged me to keep it up...that this is important...that this is needed.
again, none of you had to comment here. none of you had to show us your love and support. but i can't express to you just how much it means to us. you (and Jesus) have sustained us this weekend. thank you!! we love you.
So, I had my answer.
After almost exclusively hearing words like were in those comments for the past few years, truly, I can't even begin to express how much your words, and knowing that the purpose of this blog series is actually being accomplished, means...it is a HUGE blessing. It is literally like a healing salve being applied to my heart. That sentence sounds a little dramatic for me. But, it is literally the best word picture that describes what happens when hearing supportive things after hearing the non-supportive things for so many years.
It's been a long road. And we have a long road still to go. In fact, after that all happened last weekend and we made it through that, we were presented with another situation on Monday that brought out some other stuff.
It's a process, y'all. A journey. It's a dusty, curvy, hilly road. Sometimes it even feels more like a mountain range filled with cliffs and crevices and blizzards. And there are no cars or buses or planes. You have to walk this road. There ain't nothin' made easy.
We've always known that we would eventually go for more counseling. I needed this break from counseling. And I was leery of starting again...with anyone...for good reason. We haven't actually had a ton of success with counselors who both 1) made us feel safe and 2) went after root issues. But, there have been a couple of counseling possibilities that have opened up. In fact, we go for our first counseling session with a new counselor this weekend (the last people who 'counseled' us, if you'll remember, were not actual counselors...just friends that helped us over a hump, but were never going to be ongoing 'counselors' for us).
I'm letting you know this so you can be praying for us. But, also...just in case I don't blog as much as usual in the next little while. I might still be blogging as much. But, I might not. I just wanted to give you that explanation up front just in case.
But...next blog post, whenever that might be, will be another lighter, but important, topic. And then...then I'll get to the forgiveness parts after that. That's the plan.
Thank you guys so very, very much for your support. Truly. We really do appreciate it more than you know. As my girls say as they leave the room, literally verbalizing it, 'ex oh ex oh.' ;) XOXO