Saturday Morning Tidbits

Oh, just a few thoughts running around in my head. And some things that I haven't said or updated you on (in no particular order at all)...

-We're glad to be back here in Brazil. Several people have asked and yes, we are glad. I don't know that I'll ever actually prefer Brazil over good ole home. But, we definitely feel that we are supposed to be here for right now and are very glad to be here, doing what we know that God has for us. That's not to say that it's not really tough sometimes, but the peace is there and we know that we are supposed to be here.

-Customer service is basically non-existent in Brazil...but this little blip actually deserves a whole post, so more on this later. Just know it sucks.

-Please be praying for little Stellan and little Samuel too now that I think about it. The blogosphere is such an interesting thing. You learn things about people that you never would have known in a million years without it. I would've never 'run into' these women and their little ones (or all the other countless people on blogs that I follow, at least for a time) without blogland. Stellan's story is amazing...be sure to read the whole thing (link on sidebar of their blog). I'm so very thankful to have my little ones, whole and healthy and in my arms.

-I am back at the losing weight thing. I had lost about 19 pounds before we went to the states. Guess how much I gained while there? 19 pounds!! Hilarious. I enjoyed every single ounce I must say. But, I'm back to blogging on my other blog about that...you can click here to read (and as usual, link always on the sidebar over there).

-I also started another blog a while back (while in the states) about perspective. I haven't posted on it since we got back to Brazil, but just ran across something that I had to put on there. So, it is now updated too (click here to read) and will be updated more now that things are a bit more calm around here (again, link always on sidebar).

-Speaking of that, the house is coming together nicely. Yes, I will post pictures someday (although I'm sure you've seen glimpses in the pictures/videos already). We still have lots of things that just don't have a place yet. Some things we will just have to find a place for, some things we need to actually acquire some furniture in order to have a place for them. Our walls are completely undecorated (except for some things that we just hung on the nails already in the walls just to unpack them, but none of those things are actually going to stay in those spots), so it definitely still doesn't look like things are coming together exactly, but we're getting there. It's difficult because really the only day we have to do things as far as going places to get some of the things we need is Saturday...and everything closes by noon on Saturdays. Ludicrous. It's just not feasible to do it during the week with just one vehicle and my limited Portuguese and homeschooling, etc. It's also just very hard in general to find the places where you can go in order to get the things you need. Like I've said before...oh how I miss one-stop shopping. A friend of mine here was talking recently about how it was such an ordeal to get just some very simple curtains. Do not take your Bed, Bath, and Beyond for granted folks (or Wal-Mart or Target, etc.)! Anyway...

-The kids are just growing up way too fast. It's crazy. I have several posts about all of that and lots of pictures. Hopefully in time I'll get to putting them all up.

-I still haven't started back to Portuguese classes. I will be starting soon, but Cass is still nursing at bedtime and I just want to be here for that...and not be distracted from her right now. It won't last much longer and I want to soak it up while that's still going on...not going to miss a big thing like that. Portuguese class can wait until that is over...because it will be over all too soon.

-We are loving homeschooling. It is so much fun to spend that time with them (my kids). We are loving our curriculums (curriculi?...whatever). If you'll remember, Grady started doing the Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons thing...he is now sounding out small words. So fun. He's pretty excited about it. And they just LOVE it when they really start to 'get' something, for example, in their new Math-U-See curriculum. And, of course, the Sonlight books are definitely a favorite...and their 13 Bible Verses that they have committed to memory with Sonlight...they love to rattle those off. Fun.

-I love crockpots. Most of the meals I make now are in the crockpot. Go here for some GREAT recipes!

-It cracked me up how so many people had asked over the past few months about that 'Part 2' that I posted a few days back. But then I got only 1 measly comment. Hilarious. Not that I need or want comments about that, but it just surprised me. I thought more people would weigh in their opinions/thoughts...since that was what happened before. Maybe it is because I wrote it in a way that displayed how we had reached a final decision (answer from God)...maybe that's the difference...before we had no answer. Anyway, that just entertained me. :) Anyone got any thoughts they want to share...feel free.

-Grady's jaw has been ruled to be just lymphatic issues...infection/inflammation. So, we are just watching it. The doctor here said we'd put warm compresses on it, give him an anti-inflammatory, and just watch it. It is not noticeable at all by sight and only a little by feeling...and Grady himself hasn't mentioned anything about it at all the whole time we've been back in Brazil. I just feel his jaw every now and then to see if it's gone. We haven't yet even given him the anti-inflammatory or done the warm compresses. But there is a peace there for sure...knowing that it's nothing more and nothing serious. And I just felt of it as I was typing this paragraph...nothing there (first time since he had the fat cheek syndrome in the first place). I think we're in the clear. Thanks so much for your continued prayers and concern for us. We really do SO appreciate it.

-I never wrote about this, but while we were in the states, we had our first bouts with 'sickness.' We are not run-to-the-doctor type of people. If we have colds, we just let them take their course. We don't even take cold medicine. If we have fevers, we usually let them take their course (to kill whatever they are fighting in our body) too, but do eventually give Tylenol after a time or if the fever starts to climb too high. Well, our children had never had antibiotics...ever. They'd never had ear infections or anything that so many other children have often. So blessed are we. While we were in the states, Hadley (days away from being 4 at the time) and Eissa (almost 2 1/2) both came down with ear infections. Bummer. But, we were so happy that our kids had made it that long without any sicknesses/needs for antibiotics or other drugs. They each got to drink that really yummy pink stuff (Amoxicilin, right?...the highlight of their mornings and nights) and Eissa also had to take ear drops (she HATED it...but her eardrum had actually burst...funny too because she never complained of pain...we only suspected ear trouble because it was draining...Hadley had an earache a couple of days after Eissa's started draining, so we took them both in). Grady was fine until a week later when he had the jaw issue and ended up taking 2 antibiotics...his first ever...he's 5. I think that's pretty good. Thankfully, Cass dodged all the issues and continues to be such a super healthy little thing...tiny, but healthy. Thank You, Jesus, for our health!

-And speaking of health, boy do I have a story to tell you about vaccinations. But, that also deserves a whole blog post all its own.

Hmmm, I know there is more that I could ramble about. I'm sure I'll think of several more things after I post this that I could've written about, but forgot. Oh well.

Just wanted to get a few things/updates down. Hope you have a great weekend!

Fun times on the living room floor. :)
Daddy and Grady were working nearby with their tools. The girls were just relaxing/playing on their towel together. They stayed there for at least an hour, just playing together.

Cass's 1st Birthday (Cont.)

Cass had a wonderful little birthday yesterday. We sang Happy Birthday to her all day long and then topped it off with a little party at the end of the day...complete with cupcakes after supper. Yum!

Here are a few pictures of the day, but there are many more on Facebook. Oh, and a couple of videos here at the end of this post. Enjoy!

Time for the family festivities.
Adoring her Daddy.
I don't know...maybe she doesn't particularly care for the birthday hat. What do you think?
Yes, I know...but, it was the only candle we had.
Cass loving the Birthday Song.
Shoving it in.
What a mess. Off to the shower.
And now a couple of me and my clean 1 year old before her bedtime.
Such a cutie.


Singing Happy Birthday to Cass.

Cass enjoying her birthday cupcake!

Happy 1st Birthday, Cass!!

"Who me?"

Yes, Cass is one year old today. I wrote a big update on all of us a few posts ago. Nothing much has changed with Cass, but if you missed that, go here to see her latest.

Oh, she is so sweet and so much fun. I just love having all these little ones around me all the time, watching the way they grow and change and seeing their personalities bloom. Love it.

Anyway, we will be having some family festivities this evening, so there will be more pictures to come, but just wanted to share a few from this morning.

We love you Cass and we're so glad that you came to us a year ago!!

These first two were taken before today, but awww...
...so sweet!!
Isn't that just the cutest little profile you ever did see?
Getting some lovin' from the big bro and sisters on her very 1st birthday.

And now, the kids and me going into Cass's room first thing this morning. It gets a bit loud, crazy, and out of control at the end, but they were having fun.

Part 2 - Finally

I thought it was high time I finally got this posted for all of you (half a year or so after I first brought it up). :) I've been working on it for literally months, but can never finish it up, wrapping all my thoughts up in one neat little post. But, here's a shot at it.

First of all, let me take you back to this post and this post. And this post and this post. :)

So, we really fasted and prayed to reach an answer to all those questions in those posts. We've needed answers from God before, obviously. But, never with this urgency...and never concerning life. Kind of puts a different heftiness on it, you know?

We had definitely decided that we would not be using any kind of abortifacient birth control...that's a definite no-brainer. As research had shown, hmmm, that leaves barrier methods (male condom, female condom, cervical cap, diaphragm, spermacides...but, spermacides have been considered risky as far as miscarriages and birth defects although some studies suggest otherwise), withdrawal (I hate that word unless we are talking about money from a bank), and of course Natural Family Planning or Fertility Awareness Method or the Billings Method, etc. (natural ways to detect ovulation time in order to prevent pregnancy). Then of course there are the sterilization methods...also works as prevention obviously. Go here for a very readable overview with way more details (scroll down to the very bottom of the page).

In the list of abortifacient pregnancy prevention is the birth control pill (ALL birth control pills), Depo-Provera, birth control patch (OrthoEvra), the vaginal ring (Nuva-Ring), IUDs...so obviously those are out. Do any of you want to be killing off fertilized eggs (babies) in your thinned out uterus? I didn't think so.

So, what was our conclusion to all those questions that were whirling around in our heads?

We prayed and prayed and prayed and fasted and read books and fasted some more and then prayed...and prayed...and read some more and...you get the idea.

God so sweetly spoke to us and gave us peace...the peace that you have when you know that you have an answer from God and this is it...that peace.

He so gently whispered in these last few months answers as it related to us...so that we could understand HIS answers FOR US clearly. Here's a few of the ways He spoke to us...

James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

We are all called to care for the widows and orphans, but are we all called to adopt? No. We aren't. I personally cannot fathom why one would not want to adopt, not be excited about that possibility, not feel called to it. But, there are many in this world who are not, do not. We are called to care for them...not adopt them.

Matthew 28:19 Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[b] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

We are all called to spread the gospel, but are we all called to literally and physically 'go' into all the nations? No. We are all called to help in this endeavor, but there are many facets in which this can be accomplished. Some are the senders, some the intercessors, etc. Some live their lives without ever GOing on even a short-term mission trip...does it mean they disobeyed? What if they gave thousands and thousands of dollars for others to go? What if they were physically unable to go? There are several roles needed in order for missions to exist and this verse to be carried out. Only a portion are called to actually do the physical going.

What about all the 'children are a blessing' verses or 'be fruitful and multiply?' Children ARE a blessing...there is no denying that...ever. When something is a blessing, are we to get as many of that particular blessing as possible? And here is a very interesting read on the 2nd verse mentioned. It wasn't read by us while seeking God on this...only now did I read it. But, it really echoes in my spirit.

Psalm 127:4-5 Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.

So true that a quiver full is a blessed thing. But, literally speaking, actual quivers that hold arrows come in all different sizes. Some hold over a dozen. Some hold only a few.

And that brings us to the question of the hour...are WE to use man-made methods (or even NFP or FAM, etc.) to regulate the size of that quiver?

I cannot tell you why or how, I cannot offer up this answer for you in your family in your calling, but I do know that we got our answer. I know that, at least for this time right now (today, March 22, 2009), we know what we are to do.

Our big question going into this was is it one way for everyone? Does God want EVERYone to follow what we call the 'quiver-full' mentality...do we wait for Him alone to open and close our wombs? If that is so, that would also mean that those struggling to have children should solely rely on God...not use any forms of fertility treatments (no medicines like Clomid, no IVFs, etc.). Maybe some believe that, but I personally know some really great people who happened to be born as a result of those very methods.

What God spoke to us is that everyone has to seek God about this concerning their individual families. We all have a calling concerning the size of our families and how we reach that size. If you are called to the 'quiver-full' way, God will provide all things needed (material, emotional, physical, logistical) and will bless you abundantly. If you are not called to that, obey that...He will provide all things needed and will bless you abundantly. He will be very specific and provide you with all the instruction needed to live out your life and your calling before Him, involving children and everything else.

It is not a matter of faith vs. lack of faith. It is not a matter of fear vs. no fear. It is not a matter of comfort vs. no comfort, or diligence vs. laziness. It is a matter of hearing God and obeying Him, period.

As you may already have wondered by now, esp. since my baby is about to be a year old and I'm not already pregnant (that has never happened before), we do feel that God's word to us on this is to use non-abortifacient birth 'control.' It feels good to know that you know that you know that you heard God about something and follow through in obedience to that. You have peace. What if your desires don't line up with what you feel God said? He brings peace in obedience. What if your husband, your authority, isn't on board with your desires...and what you as the 'more spiritual one' feel you are to do? Obey your husband. God will bring peace.

Seek Him. He will answer you, He will speak to you in ways that you can understand and know the answer without a shadow of a doubt, and He will bring peace.

Some of Sally's Words

(First, a quick Grady update: We still don't know anything conclusive as far as treatment for Grady...if there is to be any at all. The radiologist said the same thing that the other ultrasound showed...lymph nodes. We don't know. Grady feels fine, he just has a knot that gets smaller and then gets bigger again on his jaw. He never even notices it. So, we don't feel a huge urgency...therefore, we will go back to the ENT here either Monday or Tuesday to get the final word as far as she's concerned on what needs to be done from here. Thank you so much for you care, concern, and prayers. You guys are the best.)

This is something I read the other day by Sally Clarkson on her blog. Just thought it was good. I loved the phrase 'the home was the center of life' and just her whole point in saying that. Even if you (women, moms) must work (or even feel called to do so), this applies. Love how she made that clear. I just think it is so, so true. By the way...a little history: She and her family moved something like 17 times while her 4 children were growing up, some of those internationally, so she's done it all...she hasn't just lived in her comfy little colorado home that she speaks about all her life. I appreciate that about her just because I can personally relate more knowing that...maybe you can too. And now, Sally's words...enjoy!

It is so wonderful to be home and to sleep in my own bed and to be surrounded by familiar everything. I feel so blessed to have a home that feels like a haven. I also feel blessed, though, to have been able to meet so many wonderful women while on the road this season.


I have lots and lots of thoughts swirling around in my head that I will be sharing over the next weeks. One thing that has been at the forefront is a book I have been reading called "Culture Makers." First Clay read it and then Sarah and now me. Books tend to get passed a lot in our family. I love the concepts presented because it is so much a picture of motherhood. We are Culture Makers in our homes when we teach the truth about God and His word, but then it can't stop there. We must embody the truth in the way we behave, the way we set up our homes, the way we speak, the way we cook, the way we relate and so on.


So many treat God as though He is an idea or thought to be understood--that the thinking of God is superior to everything else. However, it is the incarnation of God--God living in our flesh--living and breathing through everything we do, that makes Him real to our children.


Once I was in the kitchen with one of my children when they were making a cup of tea and waiting for it to steep as we all moved toward our hour long reading time in our own areas (a habit I started when they were very small--the rule was that everyone had to stay relatively quiet for an hour--they could either read or take a nap!) But it is how I helped the kids develop the habit of reading--I would bribe them with rewards as they read through their basket of books-but that is for another article.)


Each one of us could take hot chocolate, tea, coffee or whatever to our reading time to make it a little more cozy. Anyway, this child said, "You know, a lot of our friends act like God makes them unhappy and sour."


What do you mean, I asked. "Well, they have a stern look on their faces and say no a lot and look like having fun is against the rules. But in our house, God is the one who made Chile peppers for fajitas and Celtic music to dance to and stars to sleep out under on our porch and holidays to celebrate and jokes to laugh at and backs to scratch and tickle--our God is big and fun and good and interesting and loving and true. I like that kind of a God better."


As I have been reading this book, I have realized again, how true my child's statement is. If you want to build a value system and cultural values into a person, you can't just tell them what they are supposed to do--you have to model it--live it out. In other words, you can't just say, "Jesus said the most important thing we are supposed to do is to love one another," But if you want it to sink in, you have to spend focussed time with the one you love and listen to them; give words of life and build them up; have fun, shared experiences with them; minister to them when they are sick or tired; appreciate their dreams; support them and forgive them when they have failed--then they do not just hear love as a word--but they experience love as a reality and capture in their own lives what it means to love.


Similarly, if we want to change our own culture (which is very liberal and post modern), we can't just say, "People should be married for life and love each other and raise children and avoid sexual immorality." We can't just tell people what is right and wrong, they must experience it in our lives and see it and know it in their mind and in their experience. We show people the reality of family and marriage by inviting them in our home for meals, by loving them actively and serving them as a family when they have a need; by hosting them on holidays and by sharing Christ with them in our words and with our cups of cold water.


I have thought long and hard about why we live in such a post modern culture and how people can so readily accept a liberal, non-traditional paradigm. I think, to a great degree, it is because paradigm of home is changed. There used to be a mom who cooks real meals and nurses her children and creates a life-giving atmosphere and reads to her children and plays with them and makes chocolate chip cookies for the neighborhood children in the midst of teaching the truth of the gospel and praying in front of her children and serving others as a part of family life.


However in the last years, many, many moms have gone to work and moved across from their own families, so there are few relationships and less traditions. Women put their children in day care or lots of activities and pick up fast food and place their children in front of the tv instead of having real conversations at dinner time; and their children, who long for relationship and affirmation, attach themselves to their peers and whoever has the time to spend with them and show them love. Consequently, when it used to be parents who passed on morality and faith; now, it is the outside culture--peers, tv and movie culture--but not primarily the family or community of believers who are close and share life together. I don't think it is necessarily an issue of a mom working or not--as a matter of fact, as I read more history, I see that moms have worked throughout the years--some had gardens and sold their produce; some took in laundry or sewed or ran a country store with her husband. But the issue was that the home was the center of life, the moms were devoted to serving their children and the children worked side by side with their parents and learned about life with them. The outside influence and peer dependence was so much less and not a way of normal life--and the media interruption of the family hours together was non-existent.


So, whereas a hundred years ago, most people became Christians through their homes (as a survey of 1898 shows) and it was because that is where they logged time and built relationships. Not so in modern times.


That makes the role of motherhood extremely important in our days--that we build life culture in such a way that it builds anchors from our children's hearts to our hearts; that it gives them a reason to always think of home as the best place to be; that we are inviting others into our home so they, too, will catch the family culture and then seek to build it for themselves.


It has given me even more reason to do the mom heart ministry. We want God to raise up leaders all over the world who cannot only teach the Biblical foundations of motherhood and the importance of passing on righteousness to the next generation. But we need there to be leaders to teach and then serve a cup of tea and light a candle and invite these moms into our lives and homes so that the younger moms can hear it and taste it and be served by us as Jesus served His disciples.


That is why Jesus didn't just give lectures to His disciples. He taught them and then lived with them; traveled with them, served them, healed their family members, cooked them meals and fed them. They heard Him and they felt His nearness and love--and that is the reason His disciples were willing to follow Him to their death, serving Him and His kingdom.


May the Lord bless you in your own little kingdom of life today and give you the grace to teach it and then live it well and with joy.
Love and blessings to all of you.

Grady, the Artist

*We'll let you know about the ultrasound results when we find out ourselves, probably tomorrow.*

My boy is quite the artist. Seriously. He has always amazed me with his abilities. He DOES NOT get it from his Mama, that's for sure. I guess that's why it's so amazing. I struggle with stick figures, so when I see how he's drawn something so effortlessly, it baffles me. :)

Anyway, just thought I'd share some of his art. It was cute. I had been telling him yesterday that we needed to show Daddy his art. This morning he was so excited and proud and said that he doesn't draw pictures anymore, now he draws art. ;)

By the way, he declared yesterday that he wants to grow up and marry a certain someone (I won't mention any names, because I don't want to manipulate any circumstances...I know he is only 5, but still...he thinks he already knows who he is going to marry...we've talked about how God needs to tell him who to marry, so we are now praying earnestly about his wife every night :) ), and be a "Daddy Artist." Cute. Love the job title he has picked out. Ahhh, love my kids!!

Grady showing his art to Daddy when he got home last night.
Showing the sisters.
This is the drawing that perked my interest the most. Do you know what it is? I kept my first guess to myself and had him explain it to me. My first guess was right..."a baby in a mama's belly." Are you kidding me? That looks like for real art, doesn't it? No, we do not have anything even remotely similar to this that he looked at to draw this. Has he ever even seen a glimpse of something similar to this? I don't know. But, I thought it was super impressive. What do you think? Do I have a prodigy on my hands? ;)
I mean, look at this. To say that I was impressed is a major understatement.
And now, just a few more from his art tablet. "A car on a bridge."
"A boat with a big tent (translation: sail)."
Grady's explanation: "Remember a long time ago when Daddy was watching TV a lot of days (translation: a long time, i.e. probably about an hour) and these were on the TV?" My guess: Megastructures...one of the only things Joel enjoys watching at my mom's house on her DirecTV. :)
"A log truck"...perhaps he just spent some time in Saline, LA, eh? :) By the way, I starting reminding them how his "Granny used to work at a place where they brought those trucks to make the wood into tiny pieces called wood chips and then the wood chips went to another place so that they could make"...and his and Hadley's eyes lit up and they shouted "paper." So cool the education they are getting just from traveling to different places and talking about the things they see.
A tow truck.
I'm sure you can see what this is...a "beach," a whale, a bird, a palm tree. But, that palm tree is what got my attention. I am a loser when it comes to drawing...I wouldn't have known how to draw a palm tree...I thought his was really good how he drew the criss-cross lines on the trunk. He's just very aware of detail...it impresses me.
"The car on top is stuck in the snow and the tow truck is coming to get him out."
And last but not least, Cass was playing in his room one day when he was drawing. He decided to draw her. So, this is Cass crawling. ;)

Also, another big milestone for Grady. Last night he was complaining of his teeth hurting. We were driving to go get some groceries and I couldn't see it. I told him I'd look at it later. A couple of hourse later when we were shopping (after we'd eaten), he mentioned it again and pointed to one tooth in particular...his left bottom tooth. I immediately realized what was going on. I touched it and sure enough...loose. OH MY GOSH!! My children are growing up!! We had a little mini-celebration there in the produce section in English. It's always interesting the stares we get. :) We're always like a traveling little side show, but we were probably considered a main attraction last night. Oh well. He was so proud of his new accomplishment and asked me if I was proud of him for his loose tooth and art. :) SO proud of him, but I had to ask him to stop growing up. He said he couldn't...he needed to grow up so he could marry someone else. Does he think of himself married to us right now? Maybe he thinks that you are married if you just spend alot of time together. Not sure, but cute comeback.

Another Ultrasound for Grady

O.K., so I posted that last post last Wednesday. There was barely a knot there if you'll remember. Well, the next morning it was bigger again.

I had called our Dr. in the states (the ENT we had used while there) and talked to his nurse, Donna, on Tuesday. She was going to talk to Dr. Broocks and I was going to call back on Wednesday. Well, when he woke up with it so much smaller on Wed., I just didn't ever call. When it was back on Thursday, I called. She said that the Dr. had said that it might take a full month for the knot to go away after antibiotics. I asked her if it was normal for it to go down and almost away completely and then get bigger again. She went and asked him while she had me on the phone (love her...you know some people would just fake it and pretend to know all the answers with certainty instead of asking). He said that wasn't normal. I asked her what he thought would be a good next step for us, what he thought it might be. She said that he had mentioned something about it being his salivary glands...that we'd probably just need to go to someone here to continue care.

So, that's what we did. We called our pediatrician here and she recommended an ENT to us. They fit us in that afternoon. She said, "I'm thinking it might be his salivary glands." So, that is what it appears to be at this point. I've read some things online about it, this being one thing (explains it pretty simply). But, basically, even if it is the salivary glands, there could still be a few different things it could be as related to the salivary glands...just inadequate drainage of the salivary glands or stones,etc.?

Joel and Grady are in the waiting room as I type this for his second ultrasound (the first was in the states) to try to see what's going on in there. Pray for a conclusion to this all. Obviously we are praying for it to just go away. But, beyond that, if it doesn't just go away on its own never to return, we pray that we find out what it is and that it's something really simple...that can be treated, cured, and that it never comes back.

I will let you all know what we find out. The results probably won't be ready until tomorrow or the next day. Things like that here are much slower than there in the states. We'll let you know.

Thanks for the continued prayers. We love you guys.

BIG (no, HUGE) Update

Well, we have gotten SO MUCH done on the house and are hoping to mostly be all moved in and settled (i.e. most everything out of boxes...there will still be final touches left to do) by this weekend. YAY!!

We are LOVING this house and I will soon post pictures of just how scrumptious it is. It is really just perfect for us right now. Perfect. We are technically only supposed to be staying here until the end of the year, but are kind of wishing/hoping in some ways that it might work out that we stay longer. It's Brazil...that is definitely a possibility!! :)

Speaking of the end of the year plans, we are still hoping to make it back for furlough, as planned, by Thanksgiving/Christmas. To refresh your memories, this recent trip back was strictly to visit my mom and family...was a gift from her...not at all "furlough." So, we hope to make our scheduled furlough next winter, but are not sure what that will all look like. Since we are technically supposed to move up north to the Amazon at the end of this year, if that happens, it kind of puts a kink in those plans...not to mention that we just might not have the funds for it, plain and simple. So we are currently weighing all options.

Joel is now part of the staff at Asas. He oversees the students' maintenance training and maintenance of the airplanes. He hopes to also continue to fly occasionally, but is no longer technically in training. He had to lay down his flying before God once before, when he was a student at LeTourneau (college) and couldn't afford it. God gave it back to him later and provided training for him for free through his job at Honeywell (amazing!!). For various reasons, he is once again laying it down for God to do with it what He wants. It's always a bit difficult to lay down dreams, isn't it? Pray that God would make the paths straight and the way clear.

I am planning to start up my Portuguese classes again next week. It's been a bit of a whirlwind since we got back to Brazil 2 weeks ago. We got back on a Wednesday evening, spent the night at home (our home that still had boxes galore), unpacked our suitcases a bit, re-packed suitcases, and headed to an Asas retreat the next day (Thursday). Crazy. We got home from the retreat on Saturday evening and went straight to work getting all moved into this house. On that Monday we went back to our routine...Joel going to work at Asas, me homeschooling the kids, etc. On Monday, in addition to the 2 curriculums I'm already using with the kids (Sonlight Pre-K and Sing, Spell, Read, and Write), we started doing math (Math-U-See Primer) and I've started teaching Grady how to read (using How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons). It's busy, but SO MUCH FUN!! I can't imagine someone else teaching my kids all these great things. I'm so thankful that I get to do it. I'm so very glad that I get to spend all day every day with them. It's so fun getting to know them!!

Grady turned 5 while we were in the states (Jan. 3rd) and is quite the little man. He is quiet, reflective, thoughtful, and a very loyal friend. Within a group, he prefers to single out one person and be friends with him/her. He also likes for things to be in order. He is LOVING learning right now...of course the goal is to keep it that way for a lifetime. He learned to tie his shoe on Friday and loved every minute of the step-by-step process. He is pumped about learning to read...and his 'new book' (the math workbook). With all these little girls filling up our house, a great thing happened while we were gone. A little 6 year old boy moved into the house next door. He and Luis Felipe play together every day. Luis Felipe is a year older, but smaller than Grady, and is just as silly, so they get along great. :) Grady loves all his sisters, but baby Cass holds a VERY special place in his heart for sure. He is so sweet and tender with her and I love to hear him talking to her and showing/teaching her things. By the way, Grady's cheek still has a knot. We plan to call the doctor that we saw in the U.S. today and see what he recommends and go from there. Continue to pray please. (Update: I actually wrote that yesterday, but this morning I am barely able to feel his knot at all...in fact, I couldn't find it at first. So, I think we're on the home stretch of that weirdness...whatever it was. I'll let you know if it comes back or doesn't go away completely.)

Hadley continues to be the 'life of the party.' She is seriously the most confident little thing I've ever seen. She walks into a room and is ready for fun. She considers herself friends with the whole group. She turned 4 while we were in the states (Feb. 20th). She and Eissa are playing together a lot lately...cooking with their mini-Tupperware set, being mamas to their baby dolls, putting on make-up, etc. They also play outside with their brother in the tree house and such, but it's fun to see the girls playing together at this stage. Eissa used to be the odd man out...the tag-a-long Tooloo...but she's gotten older and is now worthy of playtime with the older two. :)

Speaking of Eissa, she is now 2 1/2 and is doing really well at learning all of the things that kids have to learn when they are 2. :) It's such a power struggle at that age, isn't it? If they learn to always obey at that age, it makes life much easier in the future...when they are 22 for instance and listening to God. She's learning very well and we are having to work at that sort of thing alot less now. Eissa is the Mama of the family...she could seriously care for a real live infant if need be. She ALWAYS has a baby on her hip or in a stroller or baby carrier. It's really, really cute. She is still our little comedian too and is so much fun.

Cass will be A YEAR OLD (!!) in about 2 weeks. Are you kidding me?!?! I seriously can't believe it. She was our perfect baby and still is to some extent, but in the last month or so, the absolute perfection is gone. :) She's just growing up and actually has opinions that she is not at all shy about 'voicing' in her own special little 11 month old way. She is all over the place. She isn't walking yet. All of our other kids were walking by this age (9 1/2 months - 11 months), but I think part of the reason she's not is because we just traveled so much during her trying-to-walk time frame...she spent lots of time in her carrier. Or who knows...maybe she was just going to walk later than the others no matter what. Doesn't matter...I just find it interesting. She is cruising all over and is VERY GRACEFUL! She has never just plopped down when trying to get from the standing position to the floor. She has ALWAYS lowered herself gently...great muscle control and poise. She's got great balance too. I'm impressed by her. She's still such a happy baby and loves her siblings...although lets them know now when they are getting in her space too much. :) She's still tiny, but eats like a horse and I'm not kidding. She is now up to 15 pounds. She's got the biggest blue eyes...my Granny says they look like big blue marbles. :) I had never thought about it, but I agree.

OH, and the double stroller story. As we left Dallas on our way to Miami, the man told us to put the stroller a certain place to be stowed away until we got off. We put it there. It never got on the plane. So, we got to Miami and had no stroller. It was so discouraging. The thought of navigating through 3 more airports (through customs too) with 4 small children without a stroller was very disheartening. But, turns out it wasn't that bad after all. And, we had more bags than when we left to go to the states, so we had more carts full of baggage to push. Me, Joel, Grady, and sometimes Hadley (sometimes one of us pushed 2) had to each push a cart...if we'd had a stroller, we're not sure what we would've done. Also, we had to tie 2 of our bags on top of our car as it was...where would a stroller have gone? :) I think God knew what He was doing. He probably just made our stroller completely invisible so they wouldn't put it on. Makes me smile. :) It was discouraging at first and we were afraid that we wouldn't see it again, but thankfully it arrived at Asas just 2 days ago. :) Seriously, God had that stroller thing all under control. :)

And one other 'update'...we have a new nephew. Asher Badolato Ebersole was born late Monday night. After 2 sweet girls, Joel's brother and his wife now have a son too. Congratulations!!

So cute, right?
Love his hair.
The whole beautiful fam...Joss, Andre, Asher, Alexa, and Kristin.

And now, pictures of our kiddos. For more pictures, go to my Facebook account. If you aren't my friend yet, what are you waiting for? I just added a lot of pictures from the past couple of weeks. I hope to add more from the months past soon. Enjoy!

His first shoe-tying.
Grady and Luis Felipe...best buds.
A little living room makeover.
Hadley and her sister about to head out the door, taking their babies on a little 'trip.'
Taking her baby on a little stroll to the park.
Eissa has started dressing herself in the morning now too...per her request..."self, Mama, self." She did a great job this morning (all by herself...I wasn't even in the room) and was so proud of herself.
Look at those big blue marbles!!

All 4 kiddos playing together. Fun stuff.
The girls with their babies. :)

Still There

I'm so sorry I feel so out of touch right now. I know you don't feel 'close' to me when I don't blog and believe me...it is still a priority for me. But, there are other temporary priorities that must get done before blogging and there just is never time left for the blogging at the end of the day. Soon.

But, I wanted to ask you all to continue to pray for Grady's jaw. The swelling/knot went down alot, but never went completely away. This morning it is bigger than it has been the past few days. We were hoping that by the end of his antibiotics it would be completely gone. He took his last pill last night. He remains just fine...no signs or symptoms of any kind except for that blasted swollen jaw. :)

Thanks for you prayers. We're not sure of the next step, but will know more soon. We'll continue to keep you posted.

Back Safe and Sound

I should be in bed, but wanted to catch up on a few things. It is 12:35am on Thursday morning. Just wanted to let you all know that we are back in our little casa here in Brasil. We arrived here exactly 24 hours after we left my favorite place in the world, Saline, LA. The trip was not at all uneventful, but we are here (minus a nice double stroller...that and other travel stories maybe in the future) and I'm headed to hit the hay. Thanks so much for praying for our safe travel.

Do keep us in your prayers. We got back here at 6pm (2pm Central time). We took showers, scrounged up something to eat, and put the kids down. We will be CRAZY BUSY tomorrow trying to unpack and get settled and organized only to pack again to leave again this afternoon (ahhh!!!!!!!!!!). This life we lead is leaving me VERY weary these days. Anyway, this weekend is the Asas retreat, so we will not be back here until Saturday night. We'll go to church on Sunday and then Monday Joel will go back to work. I will start homeschooling the kids again...all of that and we still haven't even finished moving into this house. Can we say O-VER-WHELMED?!?!?!

Oh well, the trip to the states was COM-PLETE-LY worth it. It was SO GREAT to spend time with family and friends!! What a refresher for us.

Alright, now off to bed.

Oh, and keep praying for Grady too. He feels fine and although it is much better, the swelling in his cheek/jaw still remains a bit. He's still taking his antibiotics and we are just hoping that the swelling goes away completely soon.

Thanks for lifting us up. Love you guys! Have a great rest of your week.

Fat Cheek Ultrasound

Well, we went for the ultrasound this morning at 9:15. As usual, he was a great patient and acted so grown up. It was done in a jiffy, but we had to wait around to see our doctor at 1:30.

We went to our good friends' place, Brian and Stephanie, for lunch (yum) and to pass the time away. Thanks, guys!! Then we went back and he broke the news to us...all is well.

Even by the time we got back to talk to the doctor, his cheek was starting to decrease in size a bit. But, the ultrasound just showed swollen lymph nodes. Whatever that bacterial infection was all about, for some reason it REALLY aggravated his lymph nodes. The doctor said that he couldn't tell us the why, but that is what it is. So, the antibiotics that he is on seem to be knocking out the infection...finally (now that he is on 2 different ones). We will just finish out the antibiotics and plan that he continues to progress and return to complete health. Right now he is doing great and running outside, playing in the woods with Hadley.

You guys, seriously, thank you SO MUCH for all your prayers and for genuinely being so concerned for our little guy. We love you much and will continue to let you know the status of Grady's 'fat cheek.' :)

I'll leave you with a little 'funny.' We were about to leave out of the clinic where we got the ultrasound. I had to use the bathroom. Joel and the girls were in the car, so I sat Grady down in a chair right outside the bathroom and told him not to move off of that chair, no matter what someone said. I was about to wash my hands when I heard a ruckus outside the door. Some lady was yelling and screaming and cussing. I recognized that struggle and was right in my assessment...a poor girl with some psychological/behavioral problems (I had a good many patients like that in my day). She had about 5 people holding her down on the floor when I got out there. She was yelling and cussing. Anyway, when I walked out the door, Grady was sitting on his chair (about 10 feet away from the disturbed female). He very sweetly and calmly and completely non-dramatically said, "She is so fussy, right Mama?" Kids are so funny and matter-of-fact and simplistic, aren't they?

O.K., now that Grady is on the mend, we are back to packing. We basically lost these past 4 days, so now we have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to do in the next 3 days to get everything done before we fly out on Tuesday (oh my gosh!!). We have to sort and organize (going to Brazil vs. storing here vs. giving away), pack up this house that we are living in, stow things away in storage, pack our suitcases, clean, etc. We had planned to be all done with all of that by today...we have several things planned for this weekend already, but with these 4 days lost, we are definitely in crunch time now. So, off to get busy. By the way, Happy Birthday to Hadley!! We already had a party for her (again, I'll blog about it sometime in the future maybe), but today she is now officially 4!

Thanks SO MUCH, again, for your prayers for our sweet boy. We felt them for sure. Keep us in your prayers still...for continued progress in Grady's recovery, for speedy hands to get all these things done, and for the not-so-fun goodbyes that will be coming in the next few days. I might not be blogging until we get back to Brazil next week (we fly out Tuesday and arrive in Brazil Wednesday), unless I need to blog about extra prayer needs. So, until next time, I'll leave you with a fun picture taken a couple of weeks ago. We sure do love a bathtub!! :)

Love you guys!

Fat Cheek Update

:) Grady started referring to his condition as his "fat cheek," so we followed suit.

We went to the doctor again this morning at 10:20. He checked him all out again and couldn't see any explanation (no marks; the floor of his mouth is very soft; the rest of his mouth inside is completely normal; mumps, again, is usually in a different spot, etc.). He asked for some blood work and an ultrasound to be done. The ultrasound just wasn't going to happen today (we couldn't be worked in), but we got the blood work done very quickly. The results weren't going to be ready for a while (45 min. they said), so we decided it would be a good idea to run some of the other errands we had to run since we didn't know what the results would show and didn't know if we'd get a chance to get those things done later (would Grady have to be put in the hospital like the doctor mentioned the other day?). Since we ran the other errands, we missed seeing the doctor again (he had already left for the day when we got back). But, his nurse (who just happens to be from Saline...I was a bridesmaid in her brother's wedding...is that so sweet of God to give us someone familiar?) went over the results with us and explained what our doctor wanted to do.

So, all we know from today from the lab results is that Grady has a bacterial infection. He started him on another antibiotic (in addition to the one that he's already on) and we will have the ultrasound in the morning to just get a better picture (hopefully) of what is going on in that "fat cheek" (makes me smile everytime I say that). The ultrasound is scheduled for 9:15am. I'm not sure if we'll be speaking with the doctor tomorrow or not. If we do, we won't be able to speak with him until after 1:30. That makes for a long day (with all the kiddos tagging along tomorrow), but we will update you as soon as we can.

Grady is an amazing patient. He is so grown up (he is FIVE now, by the way...haven't had a chance to blog about his birthday in January, but I will someday) and so very easy and sweet. Although it's been a little nuts (the circumstances that is), it was a fun and special time just being with him (and him alone) for a little while today. I feel myself beaming with pride when he does just the least little ole thing like answer the doctor's questions. :) So funny.

But, he really is amazing. The other day when all the kids went and got shots, he had to get the most (four!), but he just sat there as still as a rock, letting them poke him 4 (!) times...I think 2 tears shed (if that) and all with no noise. Well, today while they were drawing blood, he sat in my lap and they placed a board in front of us that he could lay out his arm on. I told him that he could just look at the pictures on the wall next to us or, if he wanted to, he could watch...whatever he wanted to do. He watched. The lady stuck the needle in and started drawing out the blood. Not a twitch from Grady...not a whimper. He just sat there and said very quietly and sweetly, "That didn't hurt." :) Love him. He makes me laugh.

He has been his normal self all week except in the afternoons. He would get a bit droopy and then fall asleep just wherever he happened to be. Poor guy. Well, today that didn't happen. He was chipper and playful and non-droopy the entire day. That was good to see.

And finally, you guys are so awesome. Thank you for all the comments, emails, phone calls, messages on our machine, etc. How loved we feel...and encouraged and lifted up and cared for. We are telling Grady about all the 'well-wishes' too. Thank you so much!!

Just keep praying. We should know more tomorrow. I'll update you as soon as I can. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you are doing!

This is what we hope he looks like again really soon!!

Grady and His Jaw

(picture of Grady this morning)

A super quick update on Grady's jaw...

Basically he woke up unchanged. Last night it had started getting some redness there and then this morning he woke up with it being swollen more down and around his neck, involving his lip a little, and the redness was there more. I thought sure we'd be going back to the doctor today, but when we called, he wanted us to give it more time (the antibiotics...he took his 2nd dose today of 5 daily doses). It remained the same throughout the day and so we will be going back to the doctor tomorrow.

He continues to feel fine for the most part. He is less active, but I think that's just because he is being cautious of that very tender 'fat cheek' as he calls it. He was walking around the house singing and then playing with his sisters and neighbor friends also today. So, he doesn't act like he feels bad all the time. But, both afternoons (yesterday and today) he has been just done by about 3pm and requested to lay down both days...resulting in a nap. He's not able to eat much...not tooth-related, just because of the swelling...hurts his jaw where it's swollen when he chews. He continues to be just the best patient though. What a sweet, patient, longsuffering little boy we have! Love him. He has not complained once, but I can tell that he is getting a bit weary of it all.

The explanation for all of this could be as simple as a spider bite or as complicated as one of those rare, bizarre things you've never heard of. Of course we are praying that it's just the bite thing. But, the reality is that we just don't know. So, be praying for us.

Our appointment is at 10:20 in the morning. I have no idea what will be done, but it could involve something like an x-ray/ultrasound and blood work. Of course, maybe we will wake up in the morning and the swelling will have gone down. Either way, we will keep you posted.

You probably won't hear from me until later tomorrow night. But, I will update you. Thank you so very much for your love and concern. The phone rang off the hook and we got so many comments and emails. Thank you for lifting our sweet boy up in prayer and checking on us. Love you guys!

Please Pray for Grady

Just really quick. It is so late and I'm exhausted. But, I wanted to let you know to be praying.

The kids spent the day yesterday with their Granny. Joel and I started the packing process while they were there (we leave to go back to Brazil a week from today). At the end of Grady's day there at Granny's, he started feeling bad. He didn't want supper and said his head hurt really bad. He had a fever of 101. Then he started shivering. Well, then they all came home...and Grady went straight to bed.

I was gone to eat supper with a couple of friends. I got back and he was snoozing...with no fever and all appeared to be just perfect. I went to bed after midnight, so I checked on him one last time around then. He appeared to be just fine.

Fast forward to this morning around 7am (Tuesday morning). He woke up with a very swollen jaw area. He had no fever or anything, but had what I've always thought the mumps would look like, right there on the right side of his face.

We got everyone fed and dressed as quickly as possible and headed to the 'Quick Care.' The nurse practioner there didn't know what it was, so she sent us to the ENT (Ears, Nost, and Throat doc).

He told us that he didn't know what it was either, but that we needed to treat it really seriously...that since we didn't know what it was, we needed to treat it like it's one of the rare, weird things it could be. We needed to keep an eye on it...watch it closely. He gave him some Zithromax that he will take for 5 days. He told me, though, that if it's not any better by tomorrow, then we need to call and possibly put him in the hospital. Anyway, so I will be reporting back to him tomorrow. And I will let you all know how he's doing too. I have more talking to do about sicknesses at another time too.

Now here, I'll give you a visual of what I'm talking about...


This was taken this morning.
Tonight...Tucker was reading a book to them before they hit the hay.
The last pic of the night. You can tell it got a little bigger since early this A.M. I wanted to have some 'documentation' of the jaw. By the way, the squinting isn't because of pain...just because of the flash.

As far as the way Grady feels, he feels O.K. He kind of just lays around, but I haven't been able to accurately gather whether that is because he feels bad like he does when he has a bad cold, or if it's because his jaw hurts him when he moves around alot. He is just taking it easy.

Uganda Mothers and Babies

For a time, I had another blog called Perspective. It was really because I was losing mine...I needed it for that time. I only did 5 posts on that blog, but it served its purpose. I'm now deleting that blog. So, I wanted to add these 5 posts to this blog so they are not lost forever. :) Here is one of them.

This blog, again, was created to remind us of the truth...to give perspective. Therefore, this blog will occasionally also include the added bonus of featuring different ministry opportunities. I constantly run across things that I would love to share...possibilities for partnership. We can't all help everyone, but I pray that you will truly look at everything shared on this blog (from time to time) with open hearts. Who knows...maybe something will really spark a passion in you here. That was not the primary point of the blog, but is just the obvious accidental (wonderful) result of a blog with this purpose. So, please...don't just gain the truth about how blessed you really are compared to others in the world. Also, really look at these ministries and what they have to say...look at these real people featured...imagine them as your neighbors/siblings/parents/friends...and see if there is anything you can do to help them.

This clip is of a ministry called Helping Mothers and Babies Inc. It was started by my friend and midwife that delivered Hadley (you can spot her in the slide that states that childbirth is the #1 cause of death). It's so very cool to see what God placed on her heart to do to practically help and reach others...and how quickly her ministry has taken off...and how many people they have already helped. I got this video clip as an email from her a few days ago and just wanted to share. Wow.



And another clip I found...this one of their work in Honduras. This was an earlier video...very interesting.

Perspective

It's such a needed thing.

I'm in a constant state of re-gaining perspective. When you aren't immersed in the world's majority's problems (because the majority of the world does have many problems...things that we cannot even begin to fathom, because we haven't lived anywhere even close to that reality), it's hard to stay in that mindset.

I've never been so aware of it as I am now.

In the last 2 months, God has been re-ordering my perspective.

As I was talking with God (more like having a temper tantrum with Him) in the early weeks of our stay here in the United States, I got 2 words very loud and clear from Him. Contentment. Perspective.

Philippians 4:11&12 - 11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.

Note how he said "I have learned." It is a learned state of being. I am definitely still learning.

But, I think that one of the ways you learn contentment is to keep the proper perspective. How do you do that unless you get reminded of things that cause that to happen? I am constantly (and esp. within the last few weeks...could it be God at work?...I dare say yes) thrown "perspective grabbers." I am continually made aware of others' needs threw emails, blogs, videos, websites, friends. Therefore, I am constantly made aware of my abundance...and the fact that I whine way too much. I need somewhere to put these perspective grabbers. I need to be accountable to myself to grab perspective regularly.

Hence, this blog. (be sure to click on the link...yes, I have a new, separate blog for this)

I will be posting regularly some of the things that help me to keep (or re-gain) perspective. So, visit there often for a good dose of getting back on track in your own assessments of you and your 'needs.' We all need good doses of that.

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet. ~Denis Waitely

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about. ~Albert Einstein

Perspective

For a time, I had another blog called Perspective. It was really because I was losing mine...I needed it for that time. I only did 5 posts on that blog, but it served its purpose. I'm now deleting that blog. So, I wanted to add these 5 posts to this blog so they are not lost forever. :) Here is one of them.

It's such a needed thing.

I'm in a constant state of re-gaining perspective. When you aren't immersed in the world's majority's problems (because the majority of the world does have many problems...things that we cannot even begin to fathom, because we haven't lived anywhere even close to that reality), it's hard to stay in that mindset.

I've never been so aware of it as I am now.

In the last 2 months, God has been re-ordering my perspective.

As I was talking with God (more like having a temper tantrum with Him) in the early weeks of our stay here in the United States, I got 2 words very loud and clear from Him. Contentment. Perspective.

Philippians 4:11&12 - 11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.

Note how he said "I have learned." It is a learned state of being. I am definitely still learning.

But, I think that one of the ways you learn contentment is to keep the proper perspective. How do you do that unless you get reminded of things that cause that to happen? I am constantly (and esp. within the last few weeks...could it be God at work?...I dare say yes) thrown "perspective grabbers." I am continually made aware of others' needs threw emails, blogs, videos, websites, friends. Therefore, I am constantly made aware of my abundance...and the fact that I whine way too much. I need somewhere to put these perspective grabbers. I need to be accountable to myself to grab perspective regularly.

Hence, this blog.

I will be posting regularly some of the things that help me to keep (or re-gain) perspective. So, visit here often for a good dose of getting back on track in your own assessments of you and your 'needs.' We all need good doses of that.

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet. ~Denis Waitely

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about. ~Albert Einstein

Giving Lives

One of our pastors here, when closing out the service in which we had just shared about what we are doing in Brazil through a presentation, said to us, "Thank you for giving your lives."

For some reason, at that moment, those words just really struck me. Here's the truth...I don't WANT to.

Isn't that so incredibly spiritual and holy and saintly of me? I don't remember ever hearing that quote from people like Mother Teresa, right? But, I could care less. It's the honest-to-God truth.

I know some people who don't dare utter such things...they don't want to give place to those feelings I guess...don't want to acknowledge them and therefore don't feel them to a certain extent. That's the way they 'take captive every thought' I think. That method works for them. I am seriously challenged by those folks and am not saying that they are more right than me and my method, although they may be. But, here's my method. It might change as I change and grow, but as of right now...I'm just stinkin' dang butt honest. I blurt. It's how I process. It's what works for me. And maybe, just maybe, just like I am challenged by the non-utterers, some may be helped in some way by the blurters. This way, in the end, is my way of 'taking captive every thought' because I ALWAYS am able to work through to the true, one and only, truth...to gain perspective. So, here we go...the processing.

"Giving our lives"...before we actually went on the mission field full time, that phrase really pumped me up. It was so glamorized in some ways. We used to hear sermons about those who had literally 'packed in their coffins.' We were so in awe of that type of dedication and resolve...that fervor for God and His calling...that no turning back spirit.

I've sat with some of those people during this visit...people who would love to go on the mission field. People who really have a heart for missions, but have just not been called or released to do that as of yet. They sit there with eyes wide open and big smiles on their faces, asking me to tell them everything. Well, here's one thing...it is STINKIN'. DANG. HARD. :) Again, how's that for spiritual?

Oh, how I long for my kids to be able to be with their grandparents and cousins and great-grandparents, to live life with them instead of with people that they can't even understand right now. I long for them to be able to really know their relatives, to have close friends. I long for things like a cute little decorated nursery in my house. I've birthed 4 babies, but have never had a cute little nursery for any of them. I recently went to a baby shower here, for a sweet girl who isn't even married. I did 'everything right' and yet she's the one with the out-of-this-world decorated nursery (and I do mean out of this world)?!? Can we say envy?!? I have to say that I was a very nice shade of green.

I long for just the ease of this life in the states. I long for a place to call my own, for my own things, to be settled somewhere and not temporarily using others' things. I long for a bathtub that my kids can play in. For a frost-free freezer. For shopping to be easy (three cheers for one-stop shopping, i.e. Wal-Mart and Target). For a clothes dryer. For nice things (by 'nice' I mean Wal-Mart/Target quality...I'm not a high end type of girl). For affordable prices on things other than produce and land. For cheddar cheese and Ro-Tel. For bagels and Mexican food. I long for the familiar, but if not that, at least the practical.

Grady was extremely fussy today (Monday...it's 2am as I write this). We were going to be going somewhere tonight, so we put all the kids down for naps this afternoon. Grady protested. Joel was putting them down at first, but I took over after a while...after the girls had already passed out and Grady was still putting up a fight. He was so adamant about not taking a nap that he had pretty much gone into hysterics...you know, where he was doing a little hyperventilating it seemed...that kind of crying. He said it over and over again. "I don't WANT to take a nap."

"I don't WANT to."

Those words rang in my ears and in that moment, God made it abundantly clear.

Those were the very words that I've said over and over to Him the past few weeks.

It is exactly 2 more weeks until we board a plane to go back to Brazil, and "I don't want to" has been all I could muster up. What about what I told Grady today...that "Sometimes we really do have to do things that we don't necessarily want to do, but it's the best thing for us, and we have to obey. Even me. Sometimes God wants me to do things that I don't want to do, but I have to obey."

That's right...I'm still learning the same lessons that I'm trying to teach my 5 year old.

It's been an interesting few weeks. I've told Joel several times that I wasn't going back (sometimes half-joking, but not at all a departure from my real feelings). I've wrestled and cried with God. And the bottom line is always what the bottom line is...

We give. We ALL give. Sometimes we have to do what we don't want to do...or what we don't think we want. We do what our flesh definitely doesn't want to do. Because, no matter what you are doing, whether you are in the throes of mothering small children or struggling to keep your marriage together or pastoring a dead church or taking care of dying, ungrateful parents or waiting and waiting and waiting for that spouse to come along. Whatever you are doing, we give. We obey. We trust Him and know that we are all the better for it.

He knows best, always has and always will. He is excited for what He has for us. SO. STINKIN'. EXCITED. And, if we keep perspective, we are excited too. How sad is it for me as a parent when I have something fun for the kids...some great surprise and I'm all excited about it...and then they don't obey or have rotten attitudes and don't even want to take the steps to get that fun, great thing I have for them?!? That breaks my heart for God...I know that He gets that all the time...and I know that He's gotten it from me lately. Forgive me, Lord.

Well...wonderful. It definitely worked...again. Processing done. Perspective regained for sure. Now I can go to bed. Goodnight.